PLEASE EVERYONE SIGN THIS PETITION TO SAVE A WOMANS LIFE

everyone please sign this petition to hopefully save this womans life,and many others in the future



http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/meast/07/05/iran.stoning/index.html?hpt=T1

VIDEO^


PLEASE CLICK ON THIS LINK BELOW TO SIGN !
HELP Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani Petition





help Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani, any voice and heart counts.. though you may believe evil will not hear,the universe,and god will. Perhaps this is her destiny..A "god" in the sky orchestrates our chosen fate.. regardless of those around us..who loves us..and wish us to stay here on earth..(maybe death really is out of our hands,mere magic already cast upon stone,and glitter blown into air,much long before,and beyond our control..) but perhaps this is not... perhaps people,perhaps WE,are sent from god to help prevent murder like this.

This is disgusting, This is barbaric. Animals kill prey,in a less senseless manner.

This is a twisted act,hung behind twisted morals... All of control,and evil.

Man who feeds off of self righteousness and power over others..

If this was just,why isnt the man who she supposedly had relations with,paying a sin as well?

Though I'm sure she hadn't even sinned..and even so...


he who has no sins cast the first stone.. it is for God to judge, not men


and I dont believe ANY god would sentence a woman,nor man,nor child,nor animal,nor element to a death so brutal, for any reason.

i had a dream that the earth was exploading ..

i miss those dark,anorexic roads...twisted,tormented, hauntingly narrow like the willows arm... the absent headlights,and ghost story... the cold so cold,it burns..cutting my flesh like a thousand swords..quiet mouth, screaming eyes.. our pupils jolt from every dimension..flickering the truth we cannot comprehend. A hand I cannot hold,but hold only because yours is forever lost..


a friendship off limits, an uncomfortable bond... is it right to even look in your eyes? or distantly pat your shoulder, with my own two cold,small hands..shaken,dry.

..but this isnt about you. you are merely an electron within the atom of this tragedy..

a single dainty feather blowing down along the summer stream..
a tiny strand of my sisters brown hair..

This is a picture beyond just your face.

I miss the red wooded barn, a texture my hands could almost taste..so close to running my fingertips over its coarse,painted skin,just from the car window alone..
An impossible embrace. Simple wood, i'll never greet,a substance to never connect.

And staring into the blackened country distance.. the tall grass, and flat lawn..mystique.. empty...death. I imagine you staring back at me,somewhere and somehow..watching this all.. the "dead end".. and ghost dolls...



_______________________________________________

Happy 4rth ;)


so much is pacing through this crazy little head of mine....



and it all goes "boom".


Sitting in my quiet room.. Fireworks are beautiful and mesmerizing .. ,but im flinching and jumping everytime one abruptly goes off,i feel like i'm in iraq...



I wish you were here,baby. My night would be complete..and not for security.. but for absolute bliss... I would have you to kiss,and lay down with..

I just want to turn off the lights and rest my exhausted body and mind... feel your strong arms wrapped around me. I would drift off so safe and soundly... without a worry..a care..or a thought in mind..just feeling..complete..peaceful nothingness.

and i have come to find,nothing can compare to nothingness.

perhaps this is a climax we all meet,in death.


There is happiness..and sadness..

all that falls into that contrast,

and then there is ..nothingness..

which i feel nothing can compare to..and i dont mean nothingness as in ...depressing..numbness.. not at all.

nor do i mean,the opposite of which..


but something so....strange.. as humans we cannot comprehend what this nothingness even means,because we are so used to.. SOMETHING..anything..even in emptiness,we mostly find..at least SOMETHINg..some sort of suffering..


but this nothingness.. is like the peace i always feel underwater...with my eyes open,peaking at the tiny strands of hair swarming around my face..fogging my view of my floating,dancing hands..

and without a thought..without a feeling..without sorrow..without happiness,even...

that is when i found pure bliss..
in just raw...honest..human..EXISTENCE.. just be...just float..

Maybe I'm falling...

If you sink down beneath, I'll swim down..

From my profile...

Fashion:

LATEST FASHION OBSESSION: "Hippie Looks".'Tree hugger' philosophy. Earthtones,Headbands,Pleather boots,
bohemian patterns.
Dirty blond hair/grown out roots,
Messy/sloppy/knotted hippie hair...
What you wear doesnt really matter.

LATEST FASHION OBSESSION: "Comfy Tiny". Small,and fragile, but well and comfortable. Shoulder length natural blonde hair,messy/natural choppy bangs. Natural makeup, Small racerback t, [Little straps laced with floral/rhinestone accents], highwaisted shorts, silence & noise blazer. Simple.

blah blah blah

I haven't posted in what seems like forever.. I question why I even have this blog, I doubt anyone actually reads these crazy posts..
Perhaps Its just a place to store my thoughts...

though i hardly even write my thoughts here anymore !

I love these images.

*NONE OF THESE IMAGES ARE MINE, NOR DO I OWN THEM..THEY ARE JUST ART THAT I FOUND ON THE WEB AND ADORE SO MUCH! CHEERS TO THE GENIUS PHOTOGRAPHERS AND BREATHTAKING MODELS.




ALL of these images are so soft and flowy
gorgeous light hair.. soft wind,peaking sunlight,ETHERAL clothing and nature..so hippie.



these photos speak so much to me.... gentle white lacey, silky,ruffley cotton baby doll dresses.. pale and pure...


see through lace,

golden tones,sunsets,sunrise,sun light...so warm and spring/summery

beach scenery - enough said..

this looks so free and inspiring

natural... in your most beautiful form..clotheless

tree love :P i adore all the emotion in these photos

more sunlight

i love this..its so delicate,and almost romantic..

a womans back/neck is one of my most favorite body part

its so elegant and vulnerable looking..

tree love :DD

soo beautiful! I dream if this scenery, I have always written about it..

flower fields..ah I would love to nap and shoot photos here<33

adorable in everyway.. her dress looks so victorian

divine...femine.. this shows me sisterly loyalty and friendship

wow!

adore the visual texture of their clothing..beautiful material,design,pattern and may i add,amazing hair and dreamy \flowerbands!

wow

sensual

bright..soft..etheral...carefree

mother earth child

romantic,pure,beautiful

love (this is one of my ultimate favorites of this entire set)

:D I love how green this is,its as if she is being swallowed up by the beautiful evergreen meadow!

i would love to do this.. tranquil... serenity

adventuress ! :P

contemplation

from depths..

tonight,the pain is so bad
i feel it rising in my throat
too thick to swallow
blistering allover my flesh
taunting my childish mind
all i ever wanted was love
naive,cliche, sheep like,i know.
this burn,too scorching to sleep with

who will love me?
who will crave my love?
who will accept my love?
who will protect me,and cherish me purely?


this sore,too raw to sleep with
all i ever wanted was love
text book, fairytale, girlish,i know.

tonight,i sleep with this ache
this sting
this reality
i am alone
for so long,i will be alone
i can feel and sense

unworthy
unpretty in everyway
who would want to hold me
or tell me sweet things?

all i ever wanted was love
you left and now theres no one else

abstract human- person connection

the more i look at you,into your eyes,over the oceans of your skin,
deep gaze into the depth of your face..
the innocence of your eyes,
the way i touch your cheeks,
brushing against your neck,softly
not as a lover,
not as a friend
but,as a friend
as a soul...
individual,,significant
precious..
does this make sense?
i think.."make love,not war"
and here i am,here we make love and magic
gentle bliss and euphoria

Its a shame.

I feel pretty on the outside, even through the tears and sensitivity
they say i deserve the universe,
but only a speck of dirt is what i take,its what i accept,what I feel worthy

why cant we just lay down together? Why is love gone?
why cant you see me?
everything feels dead and silent
not necessarily evil or bad
just still and empty

never there at beginning

nap in the barn hay
strands of coarse against my skin
dark hair fallen wild yet calm like the summers breeze
i want you to find peace,and tranquility within me


mellow,low,flaccid
over bare shoulder blades,
covering naked clavicles,
warm tone ricochets off every inch of your content face
sunrise sleeps in our skin,it likes it here,i like it here..but what is here?

even through the raw
the red stains roses bled
through torn white lace
wetting my fingertips,held to my lips

i still see you, pretty

tired eyes glancing over your eyes
youre blind
youre deaf
youre sore,now

i cannot help..but only ache


quiet,sad,frail

you ask why my hair is neatly tied,
i turn my head in confusion...
strands blowing crazily upon my flickering eyes..
why cant you see me?

why cant we talk...
why cant we feel
why cant we look into eachother
why cant we just lay?

I dont understand!

http://www.marieclaire.com/fashion/trends/articles/bohemian-fashion-spring08

is that website ...for real?

haha.. honestly,I....,would never spend that amount of money on clothing. Its...clothing,for harry potters sake. Seriously?

"the Malibu bohemian becomes one with nature."

Oh yeah,totally. because spending over three THOUSAND dollars on a dress definitely benefits mother earth and the humble beauty of the universe o___O Psh..forget the starving children,battered wives,homeless men or mistreated animals... lets go shopping excessively ,then throw on a piece of material around our heads and call us peace loving flower children! :D *thumbs up*


Hippie isn't a fashion, its not a cool trend,its a not a pretty look,or type of clothing.

its a lifestyle.

Im a crazy crazy girl.

Im just swimming and spinning;swaying and floating, seeping and drowning;twirling and soaking.. in a beautiful swirl and warping psychedalia,whirlpool of neon andromeda

This is why i wont go to school for photography

http://www.colorpilot.com/comp_rules.html

I appreciate this page.. yet at the same time,these "rules",tips,or lessons,if you will...seem so foreign to me... deaf advice ,I don't understand.. I dont care for...

I don't want to have to take a class (nor have I ever) on what angle my photos should be taken on,or pointers on how It can "look" better.. I want to just go out there,naturally...by nature,by inner/passionate instinct..and follow my heart.

;) Thats how the REAL magic happens! Just experiment, explore, create. If you dont like it at first, Try again... you begin to learn from your mistakes,your eyes..begin to just naturally see,what looks good, to you... (which is what matters most) and other souls alike, will be drawn and have that same appreciation :) its all about filling that gap in yourself, feeding that ache and crave, the eye YOU have,for things...


who says we cant do this or that?

I want to rewrite everything,start anew.

erase the past book of rules,and burn it to ashes,throw it up above my head..

"They call me Naive, I say they are just all too sheep too alike. Who wants to take my hand and step out of the box,with me? Forget these safe zones,the lace of restriction blisters my skin."


I love the strange and unusual
the ugly,the aimless

there is innocence,beauty,purity...

simplicity in the seemingly complex and twisted up..

i love abstract,
i love love love everything! ... but photography classes :P

heh

how interesting.

Date: Jan 28, 2010 1:29 PM


"Absolute, or ultimate, bodhicitta, which refers to the wisdom of shunyata (śunyatā, a Sanskrit term often translated as "emptiness", though the alternatives "openness" or "spaciousness" probably convey the idea better to Westerners) [3]. The concept of śunyatā in Buddhist thought does not refer to nothingness, but to freedom from attachments (particularly attachment to the idea of a static or essential self) and from fixed ideas about the world and how it should be. "

And why do these words stand out to me so much..so enticing...


emptiness
nothingness..
openness

"I hear it in my head,real low.."

Date: Jan 27, 2010 8:16 PM

God, I love music. with all my little heart! It helps me,so much... forever a friend. It inspires me,in every way. It gives me feeling,comfort, life within...

Tonight,I thought:

All these mysteries,all these wonders of the world..what would they be,if we already knew of them?
these puzzles,these questions..what would they be worth,if we already knew the answers.. Already solved the equation.
these materialism,this success,what would its significance be,if we quickly obtained them?
This fantasy... this yearning..burning..aching,desire..what would it be..if it suddenly became..reality

this happiness..what would it be...what would it mean,if we wereforever happy?

without a struggle
without a journey
without a road
without obstacles ,
without a challenge
without time,
ticking away clock,and passing moments..and if time is nothing,than
fading into the night shadows that splash against the wall..
without patience, without restriction..
without pain...


there is no beauty,see..

A part of me truly wants to keep my fantasy a fantasy,
I dont want to make it a reality..

where is your purpose,once you know all the knowledge, or..
Like a wealthy man,where is his endeavor
once he has bought all the objects in the universe?


Oh,just a random thought.

I thought of that "man that has everything"..
where is there to go..
what is there for us to do..
once we have...everything
or perhaps simply fed with that moment we crave..

Please open your eyes..

Alot of people I know,and care for are currently going through things that really tears me apart to see. I dont understand. The pain, I well know... but the reaction,is currently so foriegn to me... So the following:

Sorry, but in this life,our world is our creation. Dont settle for less,dont "wait for tomorrow", dont excuse situations. physical existence is so limited, time spent in our human bodies,so shallow and almost irrelevant.. this time,in this demension like sand through our hands. People we meet,and come across, such a beautiful thing- human connection. but you cannot gain good,without leaving the bad..and whats even worse,is then after limiting ourselves to solely the BAD,and tilting our heads in confusion,and asking..."why is this happening to me"? we dont even have the right to wonder... because the answer is so clear,in front of us. We did this. We created this. There is no such thing as blame. People come,people go...though we cannot control any force, nothing is really infinite,nothing is certain, there is nothing we "own", or truly possess,besides our inner spirit. we must always remember to filter,edit,alter those aquantiances and relationships. We have the ability and the POWER to choose what we expose ourselves to,and surround ourselves in. To make changes,to create better in worse,to lighten in dark. To get rid of those bad energies,and replace them with better. We are in charge, we are artists. We choose those who we wish to associate ourselves with. Be wise,be careful, be open.


Only we can put things at start and end. we as humans,mother earth, life itself,...at a forever state of change.. growing,flowing, evolving. even in stillness,we float ,not pause. Dont ever settle for less. Dont limit yourself. Dont fear. Fear is evil,fear is consuming. Fear destroys creation. Go out there,risk. "i'd rather move,make motion than sit still in worse"There is nothing to be afraid of. Even death,is true paradise. Is our initial,native land... where we were born to return. Life,is just a moment. A stage. Pretty Adventures on earth are just preparations for eternal BEAUTY in death. All is full of love. All is gentle,and right,..... only if you create it that way, though.

Monster.

"u have to keep me on a leash just a little" I tell him..

and at that moment i realized..
what if all of them...
none of them, were monsters at all ....
what if the monster,was me,....all along?


this whole time..
what if.. i was the enemy
i am the person i hate the most
i am what causes my own pain?

(the trouble maker...
The rebel child...
The fire starter)

I cannot blame them, anymore.
for,
I'm the one crawling towards...


the girl that always acts on impulse..
actions without consequences
doing without thought,
sipping without a pause.

yet i imagine the moment
my arms wrapped around you,
you pinning me against the wall,
taking one of my hands,and lifting it against my head
our bodies hot,and full of passion
desire screaming for one another
your warm breath on my neck,kisses soft,
i want you so much.
my eyes roll back,and i let out whimpers
i'll look into your eyes,hands drop and find their way to your face, holding your gaze in strict place..
and i'll whisper..

"i am not acting on impulse this time..."

i'd like to believe this time..is different.
this time, i'm calm...

sex
affection
intimacy
vulnerability
closeness
desperation
obsession
needy
power
the power you have over me
want
and needing
my body
the messages
it sends me
the spell you have me under
wrapped around your finger
its neurology



I dont want to be THAT girl.
alone..
reaching out,isolating
whimpering,silent.


Im that girl.
messy hair,blowing in my face
chilly winter winds
over sized sweater,hanging off my shoulder
from the night before,
nikon around my neck
i walk the streets alone,
dead town
pacing back and forth,
staring at my feet
cold hands,
chapped lips...
so frozen its numbing,
i feel them burn,i cannot even move them
i feel the wind
i hear the singing chimes
their sad song
i feel a mother earth
i think to her
and the wind grows stronger
or maybe its you
that feels me here

i dont want to be THAT girl..
i dont want to be alone,
yet i dont want to be surrounded

my knees are bruised
my heart is sore
my white cotton dress is torn
my nikon strap doesnt inspire anymore
i want to be someone else today,I say
throw on a large brim hat
and flower socks

My favorite quotes.

So many beautiful words written by so much beauty.. cannot fully display my favorites..but some:

"We are not ready to live,until we are prepared to die"


"you're my desert rose. the wind that dances with my eternal fire......drifting across the sand, we dance caressing...."- My baby. My everything.

"you are wind, i am fire.. together we dance" my baby,fiance- nicholas

" Forever your desert rose"- Mine to you.


"Its not the duration of our descent,the measure of ones life..is how its spent." - Potter.I will forever miss u,skylarsaurous. (I have this tattooed behind my shoulder)

"Pain is a part of life. Don't deny it, don't fight it, don't divert it. Just feel it, all of it, for that is the only way it will ever be cleansed from you. And afterwords something more pure and true will be left. Trust me on this one thing. Let the tears fall as they may. But it will heal and through it you will become so much more wise and happy. I almost envy you. Not the situation you are in, but rather the pain you must deal with. It's been so long for me without adversity, without hurt, and challenge. What is life without these things? Things which test us, which try to break us, which cut us wide open."- something Sky wrote to me..that endless of times..quite frankly,saved my life.




"the mind is structured in layers,just like the universe is structured in layers. from superficial to profound. and if we use the mind in a very superficial level of ordinary thought,we have very limited power and can barely move a speck of dust to cross a tabletop without using our hands. so weak can consciousness be,but at the deepest level of consciousness,consciousness creates universe.. -John Hagelin," Ph.D professor of physics


"Do not conquer the world with force, for force only causes resistance. Thorns spring up when an army passes. Years of misery follow a great victory. Do only what needs to be done without using violence.”- The tao

“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is
true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true
power. If you realize that you have enough, you are truly rich.” Tao

"you know what they say if its not broken?..break it." -someone to lost to recognize his lack of direction.


"Everything is based on mind, is led by mind, is fashioned by mind. If you speak and act with a polluted mind, suffering will follow you, as the wheels of the oxcart follow the footsteps of the ox. Everything is based on mind, is led by mind, is fashioned by mind. If you speak and act with a pure mind, happiness will follow you, as a shadow clings to a form."- Buddha

"The world has got it wrong. Its not eye color,or physique structure..the most enviable quality is a beautiful mind."- just something i jotted down a while ago.

"all things on earth are temporary and in a constant state of change.Since you are on this planet,you too are a part of this always changing and always decomposing principle.

let go your desire to force anyone or anything and choose instead to consciously be part of the cyclical pattern of nature. " The tao

"To be human..is beautiful. To be human..is contradiction.What is a greater gift?"myself

"What is light,without dark?
What is a gauze, without a wound?" myself

"He who is self righteous, is not respected.
He who brags,will not endure." the tao


"Immerse yourself in love."- ;) radiohead mmm

Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, "you owe me". the tao

"what we think,we become. " the tao ( i think.. cannot quite remember)



"Wearing clothes that match is like saying you only listen to one kind of music" - something i found in a nylon magazine.. cannot remember the author...for I cut it out and hung this on my wall! :(


"All clever creativity stems from maddness." myself


“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.”-Albert Einstein

More Quotes as of late- ,so raw but beautiful
which warm my heart,especially in the storm of trouble... there has been so much evil out there lately,so many envious faces and poisonous words. Many serpents roam this land I walk..



Some quotes I found that are relevant to now..


"he who has no sins cast the first stone.. it is for God to judge, not men "


"~ Peace of mind makes the body healthy, but jealousy is like a cancer. ~"- Bible


~ Jealousy is a tiger that tears not only its prey but also its own raging heart ~ unknown

~ The jealous bring down the curse they fear upon their own heads. ~
Dorothy Dix



~ Love sees sharply, hatred sees even more sharp, but Jealousy sees the sharpest for it is love and hate at the same time ~
Arab Proverb



~ Jealousy is that pain which a man feels from the apprehension that he is not equally beloved by the person whom he entirely loves ~
Joseph Addison




"Do not envy a sinner; you don't know what disaster awaits him."
Bible

(.. I should remember this one,and not feel so bad upon myself when I look around at everyone else in my age group who party all night and get wasted/ high and scream "fuck yeah!" out the window... I dont have to conform, to an aimless road....)



"Do not overrate what you have received, nor envy others. He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind."
Buddha


"Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm; for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave.
Bible"


"People die..but real love is forever"- Amy lee.



" Too much lovin on the lips, takes ya straight to tha hips" - my loving BEAUTIFUL curvy brother eddie ;)

" Cos i'm a gypsy,are you coming with me? I may steal yo thongs and wear them if they fit me.." A wonderful collaboration of shakira and my curvy beautiful brother again,eddie.

"I need the water,the pool,the river,the ocean.
..It lets me feel beautiful,good,pure,safe..FREE.
when I'm underwater I don't feel sad anymore,It feels like death..which is peaceful."-My brother Eddie.

when i found you,you were cold and dark.
your body,dead and lifeless
you were still and loveless

I believe we grew
and instead of in a healthy manner,like most..
instead of two lovers, floating in love,and bliss next to one another
we entwined, and became each others life
attaching at the soul,
connecting within hearts
Our skin has created something beautiful,
but what most would consider, an Illness


.. we are not mere two fools in love,
we ...become , simply one.

When the other half of your soul is missing..

The pain i feel inside,is like a long,throbbing ache
a cancer filling the body,
infecting the organs
poison swimming in my veins
pain so unbearable,
thickens into agony
I'm meant to handle,
I'm forced to endure
a "process"they say.
A slow death
the loneliness taking over
the sickness too extreme to handle
i wish to be transparent
i squirm,i toss and turn
in bed
i stare blankly at the ceiling
my lifeless hand setting on my stomach,
the other wrist turned above my head
sometimes i am lucky and i have no movement
motionless,dead.
other times, reality sets
and I want to jump out of bed
nervously,achingly pace back and forth,
biting my fingers raw,until there is nothing left
but sore,pink flesh
i am cold,but the room is hot
i grow goosebumps or sweat
my body cringes,
I grab my stomach and hunch over in pain
i want to scream
there is no way out
i am forced to stay
sometimes yearning to crawl out of this skin...

My bedroom.

So, my furniture is yet to come.. But I am really excited on how I am going to "design" this room of mine ;p

I have decided to fill these walls with everything that reflects my personality.




Photography
Art-(paintings)
FASHION-(magazine cutouts),
Inspiration- belly dancing images,
Legends- Marilyn monroe, I have always adored her ever since I knew of her existence
Fantasy/Surrealism(unicorns/mermaids/princesses/faeries,ballerinas,even goblins?)
Environments-Beach,forests,deserts,gardens,
Mark ryden ;) gets his own category.
CONCEPTS- Lolita lolita ;p Oh what is a room without expression of the things we adore? the things that possibly...make us?

Just a couple of days ago, I went into a home store,and saw the most mesmerizing,beautiful,painting. Whos elegance inspired my default photo. It was a painting (by who, I do not know!) Of a beautiful woman, in the Victorian era,sitting in a chair with a beautiful silk wrap. She had such a lovely side profile,and beautiful hair. So divine. so feminine. So delicate, yet powerful .I stared at it for so long, I didnt want to leave the store! Soon, hopefully I will have that painting. :) It was so huge, Will most likely take up most of one wall. but I adore it.
I also saw a beautiful painting of an autumn scene. The auburn/burgundy and amber colors stood out so much,and again,hypnotizing me with beauty and strange...yet pleasurable cognition..

I love staring at a painting..or smelling candles for cognition
sends so many feelings in my head
and inspires me so much.

just looking at the autumn painting, I thought of almost.. alittle story in my head.. or movie if you will. of what would and could go on in the painting...wishing these places where real life, so i could visit them if they werent already.

was bored tonight,so by my closet.. (I like to call the little fashion area, full of clothes,my collection of shoes,socks (mostly my fancy for knee highs) bags,neck ties,and hats... I decided to put back up my old fashion mag cut outs! ;) mostly urban outfitters cut outs. I love beautiful images. I want to full my room with this.



I dont mind if everything clashes, as I have said.. I want it to reflect and express ME.. I dont care if it seems like one big clutter, as long as its a clutter of art i enjoy.I want EVERYTHING I adore to be in my room, not just one thing. I want all the odds,and even, all the elegant,and edgy,all the soft and loud. everything ;)

Oh, I love himmm.

Date written: Nov 20, 2009 9:03 PM

Why do you beefsteaks, pork sausages... in your pictures? What does meat means for you?









"I wrote an essay about this: I've been asked over and over why I paint meat? «I suppose I have to admit one of the reasons I like to paint meat is because people do wonder about it so much. There are actually many reasons. One of my primary thoughts was expressed simply by Virgil Crow when he wrote "Life is a great illusion". We are creatures of pure energy and "Meat" is the element that keeps us here. I think about how "Meat" was once part of a beautiful living creature that has then become an inanimate "substance" that we treat with little regard or awareness of what it once was. It was once alive. Recently the Austrian artist Flatz made the news when he dropped a dead cow from a helicopter in Berlin. I don't care much for this kind of "shock" art but there was a very interesting part of the story. An animal loving teenager attempted tolegally stop the performance. The court rejected the complaint because the cow had the legal status of food. That fascinates me. At what exact point does the animal cross the line and become meat? From the Bible, Matthew 26:26 "And as they were eating, Jesus took bread and blessed it, and broke it, and gave it to the disciples and said, Take, eat; this is my body." I have found this Bible verse the source of much curiosity.How bizarre a ritual Catholics partake in each Sunday as they eat the body of Christ in communion. The literal interpretation of this can be the source of endless visuals from the humorous to the horrific. There is an obvious horror connected with the meat industry. The blood, the gore, the inhumane butchery. So many of us indirectly participate in this with our ravenous consumption of meat. Sue Coe has explored that arena exquisitely in her work and writings. In my own art I am not personally making a statement or judgement about the meat consumption in our culture.I feel more like I am just observing it. Just like T-rex, I myself am a passionate meat-eater. I feel that the consumption of animal flesh is a natural primal instinct just like sex and making paintings. But there is that paradox of knowing how that scrumptious porterhouse made it to my dinner plate. We have lost any kind of reverence for this. It would beinteresting if people would have to kill an animal themselves before they earned the right to eat it. Beyond the conceptual impact, meat simply has a very strong visual quality. The wonderful variety of textures and patterns in the marbling of the meat is sumptuous. Subtle pinks gently swirl around with rich vermillions and fatty yellow ochres. These visual qualities alone are seductive enough to make meat the subject of a work of art. Meat is glorious to paint. It is so easy to transcend the representational to the abstract. Meat has been a subject for painters from Rembrandt to Van Gogh» "-(Mark Ryden for Juxtapoz Magazine, October 2001).




Forgive the top not making sense,I simply copied and pasted it off of an interesting website,that was how it was written!

Stereotypes.

Alot of people have alot of different perspectives of who I am. As people do with everyone, of course, nothing unique or special.

I'm a different person to my mother,than the person I am to my boyfriend,then the person I am to my doctor,then the person I am to my brother.

Alot of people have.. no idea. Theres a very scarce amount of those who actually hit the nail on the head,or at least begin to understand the tip of a few layers of me, (or desire to attempt).


Some times I enjoy being able to float from persona to persona.. Like an undercover secret agent. Like a sly actress.. Pulling off different hair colors and clothing styles... Thats all that people can understand,comprehend..or see nowadays. Hmm... Or maybe.. These "days" have no relevance,and they have never seen beyond that, ANY day..whether it being now...a days..or hundreds of years ago. ;) So I am going to scratch that "nowadays" term off of my brain.

If I look a certain way,Its all that I must be? If I look a certain way,the depth lies within the material of my clothing.. IT t all ends here, like a restricted area. And If I look that way,it must mean that everything else beyond and underneath that,MUST align and follow up,supporting the initial appearance?

example: If I am blonde, I must ONLY listen to britney spears and care about makeup.
If I have BLACK hair, I must ONLY listen to metal, and dress gothic.


I'm Pretty,So I must be a bitch.

I have Big lips, So I must inject them.

I have skinny arms/legs,So I must be anorexic.

I like hello kitty,so I must be "scene".

I got drunk,and cut off my hair one night..
After realizing What a mistake and tragedy that was,
I bought Extensions..So,I must be scene for wearing them too.

I wear Skirts,So I must be a slut.

I take revealing photos,So I must be easy.

I don't reply to every message,comment,or pic comment..
So I must be a stuck up,Ungrateful,and unappreciative Little bitch.


I'm friendly to both sexes,..
So I must be excessively flirtatious,thus,I'm a whore.

My hair is dark,and sometimes Falls over my eyes,
So I MUST be emo.

I write emotional poetry,and I'm not afraid to Express myself,
So I must be even more Emo.

I have a ton of myspace photos,
so I must be self esteem less,Craving Attention..
and fishing for compliments.
Strangers on myspace,Have a huge effect on my life,
because other's opinions must Boost my ego.
My Self esteem must revolve on the New pic comments!Sign I see.

I photoshop some of my photos,So it MUST mean I'm
secretly hideous and unrecognizable in person.

I say I'm deeply in love,but it must be bullshit.. Because I'm Young.
I say I'll want the same person,and care for them forever,but It must Mean nothing,
because I'm Confused,I have lack of experience,And I'm still yet to mature.


Alot of people..naturally stereotype without thought,its a part of our human nature,sadly. But I really respect/admire/am drawn to those who see so deep and beyond, to those who REALIZE,there is so much ..to everyone. We are puzzles,stories,equations. There is so much more to us than our bodies. There are stories and beautiful fairytales waiting to be told beyond the soft or coarseness... the touch of our human skin.

do I not seem like the "type" to you? .. Or.. "Oh..does it SURPRISE you that I am interested in this or that?" all because I look like.. that or that? They have NO idea. Is this why I am so seemingly significant once you get to know me?? Because I dont..fit within your stereotypes? I'm just...me.

Mmm thought this was interesting!

I didnt write any of this, I came across it on a blog posted by a woman named Barbara Bartlein, The People Pro

Thursday, October 27, 2005

How to Deal With Energy Suckers (Negative People)

We all know some; maybe at work or even at home. The Energy Suckers. They will suck you dry if you fall into their trap.

Energy Suckers are negative people. It’s easy to know when you are with them because the longer the exposure, the more drained you feel. You try to avoid them, but Energy Suckers thrive on spreading bad tidings so they seek you out. They show up in your office, at meetings, and family gatherings.

If they call you on the phone, your stomach starts to hurt as soon as you realize who is calling. While you pretend to listen, you are really thinking of a way to get off the phone. In fact you try to return their calls when you know they won’t be at home or at the office. You just want credit for the call; you don’t really want to talk with them.

While you don’t want to join them in the mud, they seem to know when you are vulnerable and try to pull you in. You may even find, to your dismay that you agree with some of what they are saying.

So how do you protect yourself? Here are some of the common types of Energy Suckers and how to deal with them:

• The Seagull—These are often managers or supervisors. They fly by when everyone is busy with a project, deposit garbage all over and soar away after destroying enthusiasm. They tend to pick at details like they are combing the beach, making negative comments as they work. They leave staff and co-workers feeling defeated and unappreciated.
  Solution: Obtain careful clarification before starting a project. If there has been confusion in the past with this Sucker, you may want to get things in writing.
• The Yeh-Butts—While they pretend to be friendly, their real focus is on the negative. They often use the phrase, “Yeh, but…” They then describe why the procedure, idea, or approach couldn’t possibly work. Experienced “Yeh-Butts” extend their method to other areas of life as well. If you mention the great weather, they say, “Yeh, but it’s supposed to rain by the weekend.” If you tell them they look nice, they say, “Yeh, but this dress really isn’t in style anymore.” They are not happy and they want you to know it.
  Solution: Ignore Yeh-Butts and their awful phrase. You may want to charge a quarter when ever someone in the office or at home uses the “Yeh, But” phrase.
• The Muck Mixers—These are the folks who love to stir the pot. They look for gossip or “information” that they feel they must know and then take it upon themselves to disseminate the dirt. They adore turmoil and conflict and will feed both if given the chance. Muck Mixers often “keep score” and tend to remember obscure information that can hurt others or their reputations. They are sometimes hard to ignore because their information is SOOO interesting.
  Solution: Avoid them like the plague or you will also become fodder for discussion. Their lack of productivity will eventually catch up with them. Make sure you are not standing next to them when they go down.
• Melvin Milktoast or Dorothy Doormat—These are the male and female equivalents of the Martyr. They are absolutely convinced that no one has seen the trouble they have. No one works as hard as they do. And they are the only ones who do not get a break. They seem to find trouble and then want everyone to know how they fix things at great personal expense. They may try to make those around them feel guilty with their superhuman efforts.
  Solution: Let them work. You have worked too hard to have a balanced life to fall for this game.
  
  Stay away from the Energy Suckers in your life. Spend your time with people who lift you up…not pull you down. You will find your own energy to be contagious.

posted by Barbara Bartlein, The People Pro

Beauty is poison

Dont tell me its wrong to be beautiful
dont tell me its wrong to be soft
dont force me to compromise,or subside my roaring tide

dont punish me for being in the middle
dont say I am all things promiscuous,and vile
dont despise me for capturing others eyes

its ok to have soft skin
its ok to have deep eyes
its ok to have full lips
its ok to have hair, long
its ok to have a dancing figure

dont try to change me

dont try to put out my burning flame
youre not water,
you never were.

why cant I touch
without having to touch
why cant i look
without having to love


I am not trash, I am elegance


Why cant I just be?
Why cant I just remain
?
without a storm having to raise
and a million of moving lips,speak of rumors and hate



dont label me for the stockings on my legs
accept me,for who i am.


its ok to be sensual,
it doesnt mean I crave anothers lips
its ok to be sensual,
it doesnt mean i belong to anyone else besides you.


dont resent me,for being a woman.

love child

Young girls fascinate me..
their soft hair,
shiny strands glistening in the warm sun
undressing her with its heating rays..
down its flickering,
down
down
beating like a wild African drum
scent of flowers
images of blowing into white little puffs,held fragile on a green stem
there the particles fly,into the gentle spring breeze

young girls fascinate me
their delicate skin,
smooth and unaware
fresh, yet sensual

a forbidden fruit

tiny white babydoll tops
hung right below knee
you look so pretty in your cotton nighties,
as you play in the forest,
scrawny legs
bruised long,and pale
sharp elbows, dirty from the rough hike
and scraping against the raw forest ground
leaves,acorns and deep maroon rugged bark

little girl,
long brunette hair
shiny strands glistening in his view
undressing her with his soaking eyes
down its going
down
shes going
down
down
loving like a curious love child
in the gentle spring breeze,she loves.

Just a day in the rain.

today,i got caught in the rain.
soaking wet,drenched and freezing as every breeze felt like ice on my skin..

In every interesting weather,I think of him.

I always have this image of him floating up in the sky somewhere controlling all the storms and windy days ;p

It was so beautiful,yet sad at the same time.

As I was walking alone, i felt ..connected.
to something.
to someone.
to something,AND someone?

perhaps to him

perhaps to the universe as well.
to my spirit,my power within.


suddenly,

I really felt the fear inside release from me..
as I smelt the rain hit the burning gravel,
earlier hot from over 100 summer weather..
as I felt the wind in my hair..

i felt so alive


finally.

a feeling of liveliness.


I was thinking of bleaching my hair blonde,until i smelt the rain.
until I realized..why?

why change?

why do my hair?
if all that matters..is this universe.
is this..sensation.right here.

how would i keep up with roots if I someday truly decide to live in a forest somewhere?
far from sallys beauty supply shops..
hahahaha
and at that moment,
hair styling felt...so so wrong and shallow to me.

and all i could think about..
was.."this is all i need in life. just me...me and the ground beneath my feet.me and this wonderful nature,mother earth and sky in the sky above me."

"Live for yourself".

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Its going on 10 in the morning, and I'm sitting here thinking. I have this anger built up inside of me... yet its not really "Anger". I guess its more so.. FRUSTRATION from witnessing people laying down in weakness. So many people slaying their own willpower. I am hurt to see so many people..hurt themselves. So many people.. So blind. So ...tired. So unaware. And in the most compassionate way possible, its quite pitiful. excuses,excuses,excuses, only masking fear. Skylar showed me a beautiful way of life. A way of life,that I cannot snap out of my head. No matter how many times I swallow or blink,its as if its engraved within me.. Hes rubbed off on me.. allover me. And I know now. I See things so differently. I cant explain this outlook on life.. Many can pick and find little contradictions in the nooks and crannys between this philosophy if you really try hard enough.. ( i know I did,when I listened to his words at first. but it was only because I Was at a time in darkness ... so his words of light seemed so...surreal...so made up,and funny.) to many, sure,at times it may even seem impossible or silly.. because its pure...simplicity., and as humans,we are ANYTHING but simple. so complex and troubled..so layered in depth and contrasted with complication.. but really... all in the end, it is completely..and utterly....simple. yet its still as if our minds cannot comprehend it. or perhaps..fighting against comprehending it. It depends on your desire. that's what i think. desire to fly,or desire to sink. so many things in this world..all operate on desire. what we want,what we are drawn and attracted to.. whether it being positive or negative desire... healthy or harmful desire.. Ive also realized..nothing is really official.. nothing is really long term or infinite. An emotion,is an emotion and it doesnt sit still in motion like dirty pond water... like a season passing like a tide subsiding we change. EMOTIONS change. thoughts change. unlike that dirty pond full of dead water,and lounging mosquitoes.. in life,there IS circulation. there ARE patterns and cycles. everything...has a cycle. and I am personally convinced,everything passes. may not pass for forever... but it does..pass. may be BACK again, but only if you let it. we all have a choice in this. I could go into detail.. but I wont,because the answer is in: simplicity. Saddness is but a moment. its beautiful to feel pain sometimes, because what would life be without it? what would HAPPINESS be without it? its natural.its beautiful. something I wrote, I love to endure in life..: "loving,feeling and then crying and bleeding. socializing, and having social anxiety. being neglected,just to be nurtured. being broken,just to heal and mend. Giving up,and then starting allover again. Starting allover,and then giving up again." I think that completely sums it up. I'm tired of thinking I "cant" do something. Im tired of doubting myself. Im tired of lack of confidence,or fear. I'm tired of taking myself for granted,and being like the millions of those... bind...tired..and unaware. Why do we cheat ourselves? Why do we set excuses? why do we shake in fear,only to soon crawl backwards into our shells? What are we AFRAID of??! Hes gone now. And so are many people across this universe. Before you know it, its over. I'm angry when i see people let others,or disorders defeat and overpower them. to me,its like they are laying down for death. Mental,maybe even physical...death. I'm angry when I see people paint a sad face and let a hardship defeat them, instead of FACING,CHALLANGING and DEFEATING the hardship. I honestly cannot say I have changed this way,only because I have lost someone. becuase that would be a lie. he wasnt just ANY someone. in the least bit of offense, if he was just "any"someone.. my entire being would not flutter in the sense it is now. my life wouldnt be changed,like it is now. and I know everyone who knew him can say the same,without any bit of hesitation. I watch my mother suffer everyday. I watch her never take control over her own life. I want her mope and moan instead of clench her fist and actually get to setting things right. if you lay down once,you better be willing to lay down forever. because sometimes all it takes is that one time..to get to your head.. and lie to you with bad,terribly negative thoughts.. telling you what you cant do. weakening you. I watch my grandparents live life like they could care less. Limiting and cheating themselves because of their age.. treating themselves like they are cripple,or dying of cancer.. like they "CANT",like they are "UNABLE"even though they BOTH are in perfect health. I watch someone I love, hate the world. The beautiful world. telling me things..at times I Feel like hes trying to convince me into hating it too,but i wont. everything is so beautiful. everything is how you make it.. how you perceive it. there are many vile things that go on on this land.. war hatred abuse rape poverty corruption (being an animal lover,I know the crulety and abuse that goes on just so you can have that juicy steak in your mouth) sometimes Its hard for me to NOT hate humanity.. but then i realize.. its ok. everything is in perfect place. even If the economy goes to shit. we are alive. and we all have to REMEMBER, it is so short being alive, and having the ability to live,breathe,feel,and think..is so surreal. and can be so difficult.. but we HAVE to remember, its all about simplicity. All these bad things,we have to accept. we dont have to agree. I cant honestly say im 100% one of those people who try to "Change" it either. ITs not because I Don't want to,(because god knows, I do) Its just naturally perhaps because I have learned to accept it. I'm not a fan of our government.Im not a fan of people killing each other,and i'm not a fan of kfc or butcher shops hah.. but If I cant convince everyone on this entire planet to become vegetarian or vegan and if i cant make every country get along.. then I Will have no choice but to accept. I will stray from the things I do not agree with,and move on to create something I consider beautiful and peaceful. In my mind, we are all living on this land.. united. yet we are all placed here separetly individually and alone,in our minds. the simple cliche line: "we are born alone,and we die alone". Is not a bitter term or phrase. we are born alone...we live into love,compassion and feeling,and then we die alone. we are united,yet we stray. At the same time of being in a crowd,its like we are the only one there. all of us. In my mind,we are all free sprited ambitious,adventurous,determined,exploring hippies making love in wild fields and swimming naked in rivers. hahahha. instead of living selfishly for others, we are living selflessly for ourselves. and thats what skylar showed me. live for yourself.

Its been a while. Just updating/storing.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Potter... are you on ur broomstick without me? June 5th seems like just yesterday... and I smile every time people ask me about my tattoo.. but to be as frank as a papercut, i miss you and some may think im crazy and most may say ive gone mad I admit,at times its an incomprehensible energy the spiritual connection we had and some may think ive lost it and most may say the pain within,is nothing compared to theres I admit,to the average it will seem that way but they dont know that thing we shared how could u care for a mind u laid miles and miles far away how could u feel the hands that were never felt i wish i could say, yes u seem just like yesterday Now I walk around your little fraternal twin living on with ur mind in my heart I wanna lay naked like you did Your voice seems so close yet far a dimming sound in the back of my mind and I cry as I glance beyond our galaxy stare into stars,is that where u reside? how could u care for a mind u now lay miles and miles i dont know where,yet so far away how could i see the eyes i never stared into i wish i could say, yes i had the chance to look at u u seem just like yesterday infinite and magical majestic,mystic beautiful those who know, well..they know and i dont have to repeat myself. that girl u loved, i know u loved her well im not trying to take what u shared away from u but everything is significant on its own, and i know u would agree with that too As street spirit remains on replay I think of all the wonderful things u said and in ur arms,u tried to guide as I refused, I just didnt know back then.. You touched me forever, Forget,i will never Changed my life you said you couldnt wait until our "iloveyous" were screaming from inside,wanting to get out and im sorry... i never felt to say that but that one night when i was in bed, it was as if i felt it. how could u care for a mind u laid miles and miles far away how could u experience the soul that costs gas money just to feel close enough to i wish i could say, yes you feel just like yesterday you said alcohol is good, if you drink it wise saved me from the ghosts never told a single lie Sensai Potter, i am ur young grasshopper hermione are u now.. on ur broomstick flying high without me? and now.. i am laughing i am... crying i dont know how to label what we shared a friendship? acquaintance ? affair or rivalry u liked to challenge couldnt be taimed a little blue bird ninja in a cage how could u care for a mind u laid miles and miles far away how could u feel the hands that were never felt i wish i could say, yes you seem just like yesterday at times i want to walk outside stand two feet planted underneath and turn around, only to fall fall fall fall backwards ..into the sky so I could see.. So I could blissfully,luckily say...yes. Where can I reach you? It isnt fair.. Why cant it be fair? What if i want to see you? What if i want to talk to you? what if i want to HUG you? Who will save me from the disgustingly vicious 4chan clan now? how will I do this..without you. I feel like no one else gets it. You got it. you understood. You liked my school girl skirts and the excessive makeup I used to wear. My bottle cap collection,and our conversations of riding on the backs of screeching pterodactyls. You said it was okay for me to "pose slutty" because I am AMANDA..and AMANDA is NOT slutty,so its OKAY.OKAY for me to "pretend" as long as the truth was pure.. hahahaha You loved the poem I wrote you, and everytime I think of the millions of times after that one you asked me to write u another .. I cry. Because I put it off. I said maybe some other time.. and yet... wow... there isnt another time. how could u care for a stranger u laid on one side of this globe,the other which i play miles and miles far away how could u care for a cheek nude of ur kiss i wish i could say, i wish i could say... yes you feel just like yesterday. No matter how many times we fell out of touch, the moment we started speaking once more.. it felt like the first night. you'd call me your little amanda,and i felt so special. it felt so natural. I wish there was a place I could reach you.. a door I can open,and there I will see you. a window I can look out of,and there you will be. a wall i can press against,and behind you will stand. Tell me.. where can I find you? -journal entry The day after you were gone: "Where are you? Where can I find you? In the cracks of the sidewalk,? within the broken gravel clumps and fragments of the street? In the wind?? The cool air and powerful breeze, dancing in my hair,nearly knocking me over,off my feet. Lifting my dress,howling. Whispering to me. Are you now the rain? Pelting down upon me. soaking my clothes,now transparent and pure. Drenched hair and face,concealing my tears are you a bird? Didnt you say you believed in reincarnation ? that perhaps you were a bird in another life,and I was too.. that we knew eachother and thats why when we first started talking, we instantly connected and felt the similarity...FAMILIARITY? are you the sunset? peering through the beautiful white clouds above? the blazing,strong desert heat..impacting...sweating me.." how could u care for a mind u laid miles and miles far away how could u feel the hands that were never felt i wish i could say, yes you feel just like yesterday. will i ever fully go back to my shallow ways of eating doritos late at night and watching the paris hilton show reruns? Will i ever be a child toward the depth of this universe? So naive and careless to what lies millions and millions of miles beyond the crust of the simple earth. i cant.. now that you are gone,i feel like i'm on a totally different level than the girl next to me,picking out a pair of new heels. What is going through my mind? I may stare at these shoes..the surface of my being,desiring them so much.. but deep down, Its nothing I Want. So many things..so many questions.and natural curiosity... a need to analyze and find.. will i ever be able to rest in simplicity again? Potter,Im sorry i never felt enough to have u adjust ur tie around my neck. That girl u loved.. i know u loved her well u said it proud u said it yourself i could never compare ur beautiful love but theres things u said,amany and i know right now,u would tell me time never stays.,..time moves on what we had may not of had such a strong chance what we had may of been to young to say romance my hair may not be as soft my eyes not as bright but ur beauty, touched my life and some may think im dramatic and most may say im overreacting I admit,its completely unexplainable,irrational,nonlogical the beautiful connection we had may be hard to grasp impossible to understand As street spirit remains on replay I think of all the wonderful things u said and could still say and in ur arms,u tried to pull me close as I refused, and pushed u far away ..fuck... if only i knew then what i now know! extraordinary rare,special beautiful you are. those who know, well..they know and i dont have to repeat myself June 5th seems like just yesterday... I miss you. Apr 27, 2008 10:46 PM O DEAREST SKYLAR by:amanda. o dearest skylar your hot as fire your lips are probably softer than a coarse nail file-er. O dearest thine skylar. skylar,you like fashion and thats cool your soul is in such luck,because i like it too your voice,on the phone, is like an enchanted angelic tone O dearest skylar;holy one. we fight alot on aim, once on the phone,i think you almost came. sometimes I cant stand you but most of the time,we get along.. ... like bugs in glue. and a religious song skylar,youre always so very positive just like the sun that shines on the world each morning when we talk,sometimes i'm bitchy/upset or PMS suffering but our conversations are never boring our first conversation was of our similar interest in unicorns, i believe arent we friends to be? we both like the same things i used to be your little twin but if we were mermaids,youd have a bigger fin; cos you are bigger than me skylar,cant you see o dearest skylar im trying to rhyming but i am sorta failing O skylar your ghost stories are awesome but they made me really scared one night if you would of been there,i would of screamed like a little boy who sounded like alittle girl,and then grabbed your muscular body so tight o skylar i am sorry for being so nicholas addicted and mind wrapped all those nights,I pushed you away,you probably wont ever forget that cos i know you must think i am alittle pretty and sometimes i feel bad for being a disconnected little girl,i feel shitty you were the first person i ever confessed of wearing braces to i hope you always remember this i remember when i sent that video of a girl sucking off a guy when she was wearing braces to you and then you were probably thinking "oh no she didnt . shes not sucking my dick" o dearest skylar (stand by for comment #2) Apr 27, 2008 10:50 PM O DEAREST THINE SKYLAR Part TWO. by:amanda O dearest skylar sometimes your optimistic outlook on life,realy pisses me off but most of the time,and by the end of the day,i want to hug you and prevent your cough you always have perfect grammar and you use really big words in your sentences but i understand them cos i am such a good little poet.. and i know the size of appendictces..es..ez. oh skylar when you go travel the world for like two years i am going to miss you once you disapear i'll give you a teddy to take on your journey to always remember me and in the boys bathroom i think theres something called a uriny .. me and you are both weird but thats what makes us cool if we went out in public,people wuld get jealous cos thats the "im hot and i know it,so bite me,bitch"rules O dearest skylar we always like to compete with eachother and sometimes when we fight,i say "your mother" i like the time we compared the worst/nasiest porno sites over aim and i WOONNEd. remember the guy with the fish blow job?see.competetion=DONE. O dearest skylar im fucked up i know i am and you are too,kinda cos you eat ham and im a VEGGIE TARE E ANNNE! but i still really really like you you know i do you have good taste in expensive clothes buy me an icecream! and when i say "o rilly" you send me a picture of an owlll..(from photobucket)which is not eerie I remember your skylartopia story. Your ex girlfriend Is hot and If i was a guy,i'd want her too cos shes hot like you O dearest skylar Love, the one and only. Your Amanda Pod. Your hentai girl. Your little ballerina. Your wounded little unicorn. Your Hermione. P.s. My favorite super powers (if I had the chance to ever have one) will forever be flying. Thanks for asking.

Who am i? a part of you.

Not one for shallow things of the universe. As of June 5th,2009.. I am a changed person.

No one can comprehend the fire currently burning within me. A treacherous,powerful flame. Its more than beautiful,for its actual beauty. It flutters from baking,boiling heat,to frigid ice cold..

Ive found my moments of strength, yet in a few hours i'm yet to fall.

A mixture of pleasure,and pain... faint happiness and pure agony.


Between complete denial,and acceptance. Shock and realization.

Terrified of actuality yet it very well may be what lifts me off my feet...

here I am...replaying Street spirit and trying not to cry.
Planning my trip to see you..
Planning my trip to see the world..everything.


I feel like i'm alone now.

I feel like i'm talking in riddles and pretty phrases to airheads who can only mock and blink in confusion..
but honestly,i'm not trying at all..its just whats in my head..and i'm transitioning it into these... le t t e r s individually comming together, compounding into.. .meaning.

yet i dont feel alone at all. I feel you.. in my hair as the wind,above as the sky.below as the sand..
here in my head,my heart.
your voice,ur spirit.


you... you were beautiful. we..we were in sync. you understand,because you were drawn to the universe and now the universe is drawing me..

is it you? perhaps so.

I feel... a deadly,serious need.to feel... to live,laugh,experience. hurt,smile.break,build.

As of June 5th,2009.. I am disorder free.

The world looks so different now..everything is beautiful,more beautiful than it has ever been.

I dont understand the way anyone else feels.. because i'm too wrapped up in how I Feel..how you felt..

so nothing else makes any sense to me.

Ive strayed very very far from science, from..the typical. now into..a spiritual place.. the kind where nonbelievers could never dare to go,let alone lurk...
and it feels so alone here in this beautiful spiritual place of extravagant energy,.,

why couldnt I share this with you when i had the chance?