The world stereotypes and confines personalities into little boxes because they cannot fathom the possibility..actuality of anything beyond the ordinary...fearful of what pushes boundaries, and rebels against your mental standards/ or... "norm". Psychologically, If I appear a certain way physically, you have automatically made your judgments about me.... even if its subconsciously. And anything I say in defense or justification will seem fictional...imitative. phony... because, I have already left a bad taste in your mouth. You know... the whole first impressions are critical, bit.
So... truthfully.. if you meet me in a club when I'm bleach blonde and my breasts are pushed up to my chin,and i'm dancing about- flipping my hair... you've obviously pinned me, mentally. Or at least you think you do...(even though we all obviously have intricate layers, pasts, figments and strands of depth that sum our identity... ) you have already rolled your eyes, and made your assumption that I'm "just like the others"...and theres nothing I can really say, do, or express that will "unroll" them and wipe the slate clean of your accusations... EVEN if you catch me in the library a week later, my hair dyed back naturally brunette...wrapped in a sweater, no contacts- in doofy glasses with my head buried in a book. It's hard to believe when I was only 16, I dreamed of pursuing a Quantum physics major, or I have listened to Marilyn Manson since age 11. It's kind of annoying... people live their life without really...SEEING..... feeling....anything past technicalities, TYPOS, harmless paradoxes, or ANYTHING,at all..
I have passed judgments myself, we all do to an extent, even slightly... even unknowingly... we are kind of wired this way. But I live in a society where it seems ridiculous..silly,even ...for an attractive FEMALE to have a BRAIN... and use her intellect.
A lot of people flat out, BLATANTLY just REJECT the "surreal" possibility that a pretty girl/model girl/provocative female... or even slightly attractive female at that matter, can truly behold substance. For a lot of reasons. Sure, one of them being -its not that they judge a book by its cover.. but reversed...the tree by its fruit. When you are so used to seeing so many blue cars, you can't help but assume the next one driving by will be blue as well. And then on the other hand, maybe it has nothing to do with your experience- Maybe its because our minds , by nature, just simply cannot correlate knowledge and beauty, all together, at once. ..for any reason. Maybe its too much to understand.... we can accept someone LESS beautiful as having more "brains" because its easier to relate to the sincerity of the scenario... Rather, taking information from someone more beautiful.... perhaps their stimulating "looks" leaves them more questionable.... maybe we link beauty with deceit.. transparency.. and fiction,again. What makes me tuck away my pride and honestly question whether i'd rather look like a gargoyle, but be taken seriously... or continue existing on as a decent/attractive/visually appealing human being but constantly be taken for granted. ;) It's entertaining in a way. I don't know what my honest answer would be...
There's the surface of me, that shrugs my shoulders..throws out my middle finger, and says "fuck it" as I apply my red lipstick, curl my hair and zip up the back of my own dress. If people don't "see" me .. for me... if they don't "understand" me for me, and if they want to judge me by my cover, shove my own words down my throat, or stick labels allover my body...that's their problem... because I am confident with the person I am... and I know what is true about me, and what is just absurdly false.
But then there's that other side.... that thinks..when I die.. I would truly want to be remembered..for my words... my spirit... my energy... my thoughts... my HEART...rather than .... my looks... my legs... my eyes...my tits...and if I am not projecting that message loud enough, maybe Its by fault on my part.
Even marilyn monroe had an incredibly electric, enticing PERSONA and energy about her that made viewers question.... wan't to learn more...
a "mystery"... maybe.. I don't know.
Maybe its that wailing artist from within..that crucial NEED..to inspire and aspire....
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Yes, I wear heels.. That doesn't mean I won't take them off and dance in the middle of the street with you at night.
What would you rather be.... perceived as...? Does it even matter to you???...
ugly...ordinary.. but an " infamous" brainiac ,if you will.. known for knowledge
or glamorous... beautiful...flawless ..ICONIC... but mistaken for stupid.. ?
you are everthing! i remember when u wanted to persue quantom mechanics. can you imagine how fucking advanced this world would be if the majority of the women were like you? producing children that are guided by women like you? Utopia?
ReplyDeleteI had lost you for a few years. So glad to see you are still here and still creating.
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