Wednesday, March 29, 2017

A Haunting

  It feels like a bad dream that you can never wake up from.
An uneasy, sour pit in your stomach...
a fragment of a sentence.

It feels like... standing in a crowd of thousands of people and spotting his face. First, inching forward and politely excusing yourself from accidentally bumping into another waistline or brushing against another's shoulder. To suddenly, losing sight of his shape in the distance and now aggressively attempting to maneuver your way through the stiff, upright bodies. Frantically pushing, shoving, scratching and pleading at these lifeless dead weights only to look up and notice he is gone. He is now absolutely no where to be found.

It feels like... calling his phone number over and over and over again... only to never become answered. These long, ear numbing, endless rings. One after another, each delays itself with a longer pause. Swallowing a little harder each time and time again...this type of silence is actually cold. Anticipating the sound of his voice. One more time.. One more hi... one more hello... Just one more conversation. Even one more stupid argument... whatever it may be about.. anything. Something. Even seconds worth. Yet nothing, in the end, every time.

It feels like... waking up oneway and suddenly forgetting his number all together. 315-224....what...what..what and what?
Enough to leave you in a cold sweat.
To make your head start hurting...
does this mean...I am forgetting?
Does this mean... I am less in love?
Does this mean... he is leaving me entirely?

 I feel...unfinished.
Years later... and it doesn't even feel over yet.
It just feels misplaced....stolen.

It doesn't even really feel like time has passed. I still feel like the same person.
Even as I age and physically change, I still feel trapped in this confused hole of a place... a limbo.
Even as I smile and strive,
there will always be an empty missing piece that no one else can ever fill.