Thursday, May 7, 2009

quod me nutrit,me destruit.

here I am.
What am I to you?
What do I look like?
Can you see me within and through?
I'm not alone.

She'll always be a part of me.
everyday,I push her aside
stubborn,and angry
lounging alone in a corner so dark and cold
feet up, one sock slipping off,the other confidently pulled up

hand folding across my chest
the other inhaling from the cancer stick

"Dont talk to me"
Shes like my lover.
She must of done something wrong,
now I hold it against her

Dont want her,Yet I'm stuck with her.
dont Love her,Yet I need her,and cannot hate her

sore muscles from compulsive motion
raw throat from purge due penetration
growling stomach from abusive neglect
Dizzy head,I'm swaying I'm falling
Would stand on my feet,but the walls are much too inviting
I can float,I can fly
shaking hands,
they would assume I am on something..
I feel beautiful..

angry.. what?
at nothing

I'm dying today..
will it be the day I am taken in?

When they try to rid me of her poison
yet they do not know just how deep has seeped into my veins..

Thick black rings under my eyes
circles and proof of the cross Ive carried
for so long,it seems
yet only months
my name should be "strength"

I do not isolate,
because there is no one to run from

I cannot count anymore
Reading,but the words rise upside down,
they break apart,shake and scramble
squeezing together so I cant tell the letters apart..

mystery bruises
new exposed rib in the cage..
aching,angelic physique
tenacious chest pains

my brain feels like its rotting.
loud noises make me jump,flinch, shake
bright lights hurt the surface
of who am I?
of who am i?
skelli girl

Children sizes,
little girl clothes
baby breasts
and tight stomach,
shrinking waist

carry me..carry me..

a faerie,a mermaid
arrowhead,dasani,fugi, we float under a sea..
call me
call me

yellow,brittle nails
shredding hair like a frail lions mane
a lioness laying on the hot plain,
weak in dehydration,dying
like the anemic skin of a bored snake
tiring of its own being
crawling,slithering far away

chapped,blistered lips cracked
my dry lizard flesh,
no lotion can take away

she'll always be apart of me
even long when the full calorie tea hits my content lips
but i'll always still remain of her touch

her stain.

all through me

when years tow,
i can stare in reflection with eyes wide and finally guilt less

do you see this hair? long and full
do you see this body ? in liberal size,fed and large.
do you see these nails? in color,and strong

my name should be strength.
my name should be strength

For all to see,my struggle
for all to acknowledge the pain ive endured
the cross ive beared
tried so hard to lift
no matter how weak my arms
or shaky my legs

no matter how fast the numbers decreased..

everyday a fight,
keep going..keep going..

fight against her
fight with her
fight against everything..

im sipping

but here,shes still a part of me
always,will she

here I am.
What am I to you?
What do I look like?
Can you see me,within and through?
I'm not alone.
I am not one girl,I am two.

quod me nutrit,me destruit.

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