first day at clinic.
hell.
another attempt at feeling happy and eating in a normal manner.
morning: few bites of yogurt,water
afternoon:half cup soup
night:rice
chips
fruit cup
Tonights binge without lax or purging or exercising:
(i hold my breath)
plate of pasta with vegetables
plate of rice,chow mein,
2 eggroles
2 cream cheese wong tongs
1 breakfast crossiant
hashbrowns
water
bites of cake
2 herseys kisses.
im scared to death of chocolate and cake and cookies and chips and soda.
im TERRIFIED.aha.
cant eat anymore of it
i havent had chocolate in like over a month though,
so i guess having two little kisses wont hurt me right? :/
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ReplyDeletehey, howcome you're binging on food? that'll just make you feel guilty, surely? do they advise that at the clinic or is it just something you're doing? binging, at night time especially, will more likely make you put on weight than eating throughout the day, but it's more likely to make you want to purge than eating through the day because of the guilt factor. i'm sorry i don't mean to sound patronising or anything, i'm just curious and hope you're ok. also, i know what you mean about being scared of chocolate, cake etc. i'm trying to eat healthy and loose weight atm, but that kind of food is so tempting and i know if i eat it i'll feel guilt ridden >.< stupid food! heh :/
ReplyDeletewww.myspace.com/analenchantin
ReplyDeleteoff the subject, but you will probably like her music...
binging is completely uncontrollable. I think its the bodys natural reaction and instinct to fight off starvation .When going a long time on restrictive intake,or not eating at all.. the body will panic,wanting to grab onto any source of food in sight. sometimes very hard to fight off. ESPECIALLY most in recovery .when wanting ot do your body "good",what do you do? do you eat because food is what you've deprived your body from? so you keep eating but never get full..or do you do what "Clinics" tell you and basically eat tiny portioned meals throughout the day but still feel like youre starving to death aha..because in reality,thats exactly how it feels no exaggeration.
ReplyDeleteits really difficult.
in that case,why not full blown starvation?thats what i have asked myself before.If i'm goign to starve in the process of getting better..why not just starve in the process of reaching a fgw?