When the other half of your soul is missing..

The pain i feel inside,is like a long,throbbing ache
a cancer filling the body,
infecting the organs
poison swimming in my veins
pain so unbearable,
thickens into agony
I'm meant to handle,
I'm forced to endure
a "process"they say.
A slow death
the loneliness taking over
the sickness too extreme to handle
i wish to be transparent
i squirm,i toss and turn
in bed
i stare blankly at the ceiling
my lifeless hand setting on my stomach,
the other wrist turned above my head
sometimes i am lucky and i have no movement
motionless,dead.
other times, reality sets
and I want to jump out of bed
nervously,achingly pace back and forth,
biting my fingers raw,until there is nothing left
but sore,pink flesh
i am cold,but the room is hot
i grow goosebumps or sweat
my body cringes,
I grab my stomach and hunch over in pain
i want to scream
there is no way out
i am forced to stay
sometimes yearning to crawl out of this skin...