Sunday, January 31, 2010


"u have to keep me on a leash just a little" I tell him..

and at that moment i realized..
what if all of them...
none of them, were monsters at all ....
what if the monster,was me,....all along?

this whole time..
what if.. i was the enemy
i am the person i hate the most
i am what causes my own pain?

(the trouble maker...
The rebel child...
The fire starter)

I cannot blame them, anymore.
I'm the one crawling towards...

the girl that always acts on impulse..
actions without consequences
doing without thought,
sipping without a pause.

yet i imagine the moment
my arms wrapped around you,
you pinning me against the wall,
taking one of my hands,and lifting it against my head
our bodies hot,and full of passion
desire screaming for one another
your warm breath on my neck,kisses soft,
i want you so much.
my eyes roll back,and i let out whimpers
i'll look into your eyes,hands drop and find their way to your face, holding your gaze in strict place..
and i'll whisper..

"i am not acting on impulse this time..."

i'd like to believe this different.
this time, i'm calm...

the power you have over me
and needing
my body
the messages
it sends me
the spell you have me under
wrapped around your finger
its neurology

I dont want to be THAT girl.
reaching out,isolating

Im that girl.
messy hair,blowing in my face
chilly winter winds
over sized sweater,hanging off my shoulder
from the night before,
nikon around my neck
i walk the streets alone,
dead town
pacing back and forth,
staring at my feet
cold hands,
chapped lips...
so frozen its numbing,
i feel them burn,i cannot even move them
i feel the wind
i hear the singing chimes
their sad song
i feel a mother earth
i think to her
and the wind grows stronger
or maybe its you
that feels me here

i dont want to be THAT girl..
i dont want to be alone,
yet i dont want to be surrounded

my knees are bruised
my heart is sore
my white cotton dress is torn
my nikon strap doesnt inspire anymore
i want to be someone else today,I say
throw on a large brim hat
and flower socks


  1. I love and your writing. love feeling your soul <3

  2. i love the way you write, it provokes so much emotion. I just stumbled across your blog and let me just say you have changed my life, you have inspired so many emotions within me that i didn't know even existed.
    you are a beautiful girl <3