Monday, November 5, 2012

"Would you forgive me, if I said I was sorry?"

 I have tried to forget... but I can't. 

No one can compare...
to your darkness.
to your mystique. 

you remind me of the cold sting of winter...
your peculiar taste still in my mouth
the restless steadiness of your eyes
the rhythm of your hot breath on my neck
the lines and cracks of your large hands...
repressive, expressive

the sound of your tainted heart beat,
the texture of the mattress... 
the curse on your mouth...
 I felt it...
I saw it...
I drank it...
you warned me, but I didn't care. 
 I knew it was there, but I kept going...True Alice, and I never once hesitated. 

the chaos of our silence 
The pain makes us addicts
falling asleep in your arms
wishing I never met you
thankful I know you

my hands tugging at my own hair,
suffocating on tears...
laughing until my stomach knots and contracts
my heart fell into my stomach the first time you touched me.
 I can still feel your bruises..
I can still see where you left your crimson bite marks... 
and no one has been able to leave a mark as dark, ever since. 

No one could ever be,..
so articulate. 
so silent.
so compassionate. so sadistic.

 I never knew anything so rough, beautiful, disheveled, delicate. 

 you are dominant, twisted, submissive, elegant.

 so "me", so opposite. 
 so flawed, so perfect...

 falling in and out of decomposition...
 I tried to catch you, but you just dragged me by my hand onto the tracks...
and I dont know if you noticed, but I never pulled away...  

you remind me of,... 

 exhausting summers
lace against my sweat... 
heart shaped sunglasses and horror films...
when you made me so anrgy that i cut off all my hair.. 
butterflies so wild in your stomach they almost tear through flesh

you remind me of long walks and long talks..
being lifted and pressed up against walls..
you remind me of second chances...
you remind me of torn up letters
talking until we're delirious and the heat from your phone burns the side of your face...
falling asleep to the sound of you breathe..

my own innocence... its gone, but you remind me of ..
the last time I trusted and loved 

insomnia, pyromania. 

 cemeteries, beaches, and all the above. 
That stupid rugged backpack...
my infamous red jacket. 

the smell of morning coffee and the stain of red lips...
spines and bones... and little girl clothes..
the sharpness of nails 
claw like down your spine...
the breeze of autumn..
the way you sang to me...
playing guitar,and NYC. 
nouvelle vague.
the scar on your chest...

 No one could ever understand.
 There were no words..
there was no touching...
we just became,and always will be.

 being with you,
you were always my outterbody experience. 
That electricity,
that drama..
the type of passion
that everyone craves
 the hatred, the clashing conflict 
the form of adrenaline they write about... 
i felt it.

 you are so strange,
and its not my choice in keeping this window open..
Ive paced and paced... only to finally run far away..
but something brings me back to where Ive started. 

 I'll never forget.... 

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