I was bigger,when I was 12.

5/3/09 Goals:


1) cut back on the snickers,chocolate and junk food.
Ive learned that there is still such thing as "healthy restriction".
Just because it may may MAY be okay to eat,doesn't mean its ok to eat complete SHIT food all the time.

Its not going to do me,my body,OR my teeth and mind any good aha.

So instead of allowing myself to remain the ultimate snickers junkie :P
I shall detox myself of this vile addiction and substitute a snickers with baby carrots and ranch dip,other vegetables or IF chocolate just cannot be refused: a chocolate cereal with soy milk,which isnt made of pure chocolate. I know I have some control and self discipline still left in me somewhere!

2) Continue eating. (aha cos you know,its that thing..you know..that HUMANS do? aha. I like making fun of myself sometimes. :P)

3) Continue taking Meds and vitamins. No matter how many times I forget in the morning,and how much I hate those meds. I need to take them still,I guess.

4) Exercise more again. At least once a day for 20 minutes.What harm can that do? If I feel myself start to become addicted or kind of compulsive again,i'll just quit exercising,right?



BUT I AM GLAD THAT:

I do not consume any soda. I stick to water,powerade 0 and 5cal raspberry crystal lite. ;) Yum yum.


I Do not eat any MEAT. Havent for years now.Animals mean alot to me. I cant ever see myself eating meat again.I am so glad and proud of myself for sticking strong throughout the clinic when they tried to make me eat it. So many people encouraged me and pressured me,tried to pursue me but my heart told me otherwise.

I'm glad I refused. I still put animals before myself. Even if they said recovery should come first,The thought of eating an animal would be too hard to bear at night. aha. :/

I need to stay strong with my instincts and passion.

Recovery should be SOME bit enjoyable and OUR choice. Not the insurance companies or clinic staff members.

I want to be comfortable with the decisions I am making,not forced to eat food that doesnt taste right in my mouth,OR mind.


I was thinking about going vegan again,
but I really do want my hair to grow out.
I'm scared if I cut myself of all dairy products,I will be still deprived of nutrition,thus,no pretty long hair. :/
and in that case,i might as well completely restrict again. Which i'm not really up for right now.

So I guess i'll stick to my soy milk,
and OCCASIONAL chocolate and egg and cheese breakfast croissant from burger king aha.


<3