Friday, July 10, 2009
 | June 5th seems like just yesterday... and I smile every time people ask me about my tattoo.. but to be as frank as a papercut, i miss you and some may think im crazy and most may say ive gone mad I admit,at times its an incomprehensible energy the spiritual connection we had and some may think ive lost it and most may say the pain within,is nothing compared to theres I admit,to the average it will seem that way but they dont know that thing we shared how could u care for a mind u laid miles and miles far away how could u feel the hands that were never felt i wish i could say, yes u seem just like yesterday Now I walk around your little fraternal twin living on with ur mind in my heart I wanna lay naked like you did Your voice seems so close yet far a dimming sound in the back of my mind and I cry as I glance beyond our galaxy stare into stars,is that where u reside? how could u care for a mind u now lay miles and miles i dont know where,yet so far away how could i see the eyes i never stared into i wish i could say, yes i had the chance to look at u u seem just like yesterday infinite and magical majestic,mystic beautiful those who know, well..they know and i dont have to repeat myself. that girl u loved, i know u loved her well im not trying to take what u shared away from u but everything is significant on its own, and i know u would agree with that too As street spirit remains on replay I think of all the wonderful things u said and in ur arms,u tried to guide as I refused, I just didnt know back then.. You touched me forever, Forget,i will never Changed my life you said you couldnt wait until our "iloveyous" were screaming from inside,wanting to get out and im sorry... i never felt to say that but that one night when i was in bed, it was as if i felt it. how could u care for a mind u laid miles and miles far away how could u experience the soul that costs gas money just to feel close enough to i wish i could say, yes you feel just like yesterday you said alcohol is good, if you drink it wise saved me from the ghosts never told a single lie Sensai Potter, i am ur young grasshopper hermione are u now.. on ur broomstick flying high without me? and now.. i am laughing i am... crying i dont know how to label what we shared a friendship? acquaintance ? affair or rivalry u liked to challenge couldnt be taimed a little blue bird ninja in a cage how could u care for a mind u laid miles and miles far away how could u feel the hands that were never felt i wish i could say, yes you seem just like yesterday at times i want to walk outside stand two feet planted underneath and turn around, only to fall fall fall fall backwards ..into the sky so I could see.. So I could blissfully,luckily say...yes. Where can I reach you? It isnt fair.. Why cant it be fair? What if i want to see you? What if i want to talk to you? what if i want to HUG you? Who will save me from the disgustingly vicious 4chan clan now? how will I do this..without you. I feel like no one else gets it. You got it. you understood. You liked my school girl skirts and the excessive makeup I used to wear. My bottle cap collection,and our conversations of riding on the backs of screeching pterodactyls. You said it was okay for me to "pose slutty" because I am AMANDA..and AMANDA is NOT slutty,so its OKAY.OKAY for me to "pretend" as long as the truth was pure.. hahahaha You loved the poem I wrote you, and everytime I think of the millions of times after that one you asked me to write u another .. I cry. Because I put it off. I said maybe some other time.. and yet... wow... there isnt another time. how could u care for a stranger u laid on one side of this globe,the other which i play miles and miles far away how could u care for a cheek nude of ur kiss i wish i could say, i wish i could say... yes you feel just like yesterday. No matter how many times we fell out of touch, the moment we started speaking once more.. it felt like the first night. you'd call me your little amanda,and i felt so special. it felt so natural. I wish there was a place I could reach you.. a door I can open,and there I will see you. a window I can look out of,and there you will be. a wall i can press against,and behind you will stand. Tell me.. where can I find you? -journal entry The day after you were gone: "Where are you? Where can I find you? In the cracks of the sidewalk,? within the broken gravel clumps and fragments of the street? In the wind?? The cool air and powerful breeze, dancing in my hair,nearly knocking me over,off my feet. Lifting my dress,howling. Whispering to me. Are you now the rain? Pelting down upon me. soaking my clothes,now transparent and pure. Drenched hair and face,concealing my tears are you a bird? Didnt you say you believed in reincarnation ? that perhaps you were a bird in another life,and I was too.. that we knew eachother and thats why when we first started talking, we instantly connected and felt the similarity...FAMILIARITY? are you the sunset? peering through the beautiful white clouds above? the blazing,strong desert heat..impacting...sweating me.." how could u care for a mind u laid miles and miles far away how could u feel the hands that were never felt i wish i could say, yes you feel just like yesterday. will i ever fully go back to my shallow ways of eating doritos late at night and watching the paris hilton show reruns? Will i ever be a child toward the depth of this universe? So naive and careless to what lies millions and millions of miles beyond the crust of the simple earth. i cant.. now that you are gone,i feel like i'm on a totally different level than the girl next to me,picking out a pair of new heels. What is going through my mind? I may stare at these shoes..the surface of my being,desiring them so much.. but deep down, Its nothing I Want. So many things..so many questions.and natural curiosity... a need to analyze and find.. will i ever be able to rest in simplicity again? Potter,Im sorry i never felt enough to have u adjust ur tie around my neck. That girl u loved.. i know u loved her well u said it proud u said it yourself i could never compare ur beautiful love but theres things u said,amany and i know right now,u would tell me time never stays.,..time moves on what we had may not of had such a strong chance what we had may of been to young to say romance my hair may not be as soft my eyes not as bright but ur beauty, touched my life and some may think im dramatic and most may say im overreacting I admit,its completely unexplainable,irrational,nonlogical the beautiful connection we had may be hard to grasp impossible to understand As street spirit remains on replay I think of all the wonderful things u said and could still say and in ur arms,u tried to pull me close as I refused, and pushed u far away ..fuck... if only i knew then what i now know! extraordinary rare,special beautiful you are. those who know, well..they know and i dont have to repeat myself June 5th seems like just yesterday... I miss you. Apr 27, 2008 10:46 PM O DEAREST SKYLAR by:amanda. o dearest skylar your hot as fire your lips are probably softer than a coarse nail file-er. O dearest thine skylar. skylar,you like fashion and thats cool your soul is in such luck,because i like it too your voice,on the phone, is like an enchanted angelic tone O dearest skylar;holy one. we fight alot on aim, once on the phone,i think you almost came. sometimes I cant stand you but most of the time,we get along.. ... like bugs in glue. and a religious song skylar,youre always so very positive just like the sun that shines on the world each morning when we talk,sometimes i'm bitchy/upset or PMS suffering but our conversations are never boring our first conversation was of our similar interest in unicorns, i believe arent we friends to be? we both like the same things i used to be your little twin but if we were mermaids,youd have a bigger fin; cos you are bigger than me skylar,cant you see o dearest skylar im trying to rhyming but i am sorta failing O skylar your ghost stories are awesome but they made me really scared one night if you would of been there,i would of screamed like a little boy who sounded like alittle girl,and then grabbed your muscular body so tight o skylar i am sorry for being so nicholas addicted and mind wrapped all those nights,I pushed you away,you probably wont ever forget that cos i know you must think i am alittle pretty and sometimes i feel bad for being a disconnected little girl,i feel shitty you were the first person i ever confessed of wearing braces to i hope you always remember this i remember when i sent that video of a girl sucking off a guy when she was wearing braces to you and then you were probably thinking "oh no she didnt . shes not sucking my dick" o dearest skylar (stand by for comment #2) Apr 27, 2008 10:50 PM O DEAREST THINE SKYLAR Part TWO. by:amanda O dearest skylar sometimes your optimistic outlook on life,realy pisses me off but most of the time,and by the end of the day,i want to hug you and prevent your cough you always have perfect grammar and you use really big words in your sentences but i understand them cos i am such a good little poet.. and i know the size of appendictces..es..ez. oh skylar when you go travel the world for like two years i am going to miss you once you disapear i'll give you a teddy to take on your journey to always remember me and in the boys bathroom i think theres something called a uriny .. me and you are both weird but thats what makes us cool if we went out in public,people wuld get jealous cos thats the "im hot and i know it,so bite me,bitch"rules O dearest skylar we always like to compete with eachother and sometimes when we fight,i say "your mother" i like the time we compared the worst/nasiest porno sites over aim and i WOONNEd. remember the guy with the fish blow job?see.competetion=DONE. O dearest skylar im fucked up i know i am and you are too,kinda cos you eat ham and im a VEGGIE TARE E ANNNE! but i still really really like you you know i do you have good taste in expensive clothes buy me an icecream! and when i say "o rilly" you send me a picture of an owlll..(from photobucket)which is not eerie I remember your skylartopia story. Your ex girlfriend Is hot and If i was a guy,i'd want her too cos shes hot like you O dearest skylar Love, the one and only. Your Amanda Pod. Your hentai girl. Your little ballerina. Your wounded little unicorn. Your Hermione. P.s. My favorite super powers (if I had the chance to ever have one) will forever be flying. Thanks for asking. |
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