Sunday, July 19, 2009

Its been a while. Just updating/storing.

Friday, July 10, 2009

June 5th seems like just yesterday...
and I smile every time people ask me about my tattoo..
but to be as frank as a papercut,
i miss you

and some may think im crazy
and most may say ive gone mad
I admit,at times its an incomprehensible energy
the spiritual connection we had

and some may think ive lost it
and most may say the pain within,is nothing compared to theres
I admit,to the average it will seem that way
but they dont know that thing we shared

how could u care for a mind u laid
miles and miles far away
how could u feel the hands that were never felt
i wish i could say, yes

u seem just like yesterday

Now I walk around
your little fraternal twin
living on with ur mind in my heart
I wanna lay naked like you did

Your voice seems so close yet far
a dimming sound in the back of my mind
and I cry as I glance beyond our galaxy
stare into stars,is that where u reside?

how could u care for a mind u now lay
miles and miles i dont know where,yet so far away
how could i see the eyes i never stared into
i wish i could say, yes i had the chance to look at u

u seem just like yesterday

and magical

those who know,
well..they know
and i dont have to repeat myself.

that girl u loved,
i know u loved her well
im not trying to take what u shared away from u
but everything is significant on its own,
and i know u would agree with that too

As street spirit remains on replay
I think of all the wonderful things u said
and in ur arms,u tried to guide
as I refused, I just didnt know back then..

You touched me forever,
Forget,i will never
Changed my life

you said you couldnt wait until our "iloveyous"
were screaming from inside,wanting to get out
and im sorry...
i never felt to say that
but that one night when i was in bed,
it was as if i felt it.

how could u care for a mind u laid
miles and miles far away
how could u experience the soul
that costs gas money just to feel close enough to
i wish i could say, yes

you feel just like yesterday

you said alcohol is good,
if you drink it wise
saved me from the ghosts
never told a single lie

Sensai Potter,
i am ur young grasshopper hermione
are u now.. on ur broomstick
flying high without me?

and now..
i am laughing
i am...

i dont know how to label what we shared
a friendship?
acquaintance ?
or rivalry

u liked to challenge
couldnt be taimed
a little blue bird ninja
in a cage

how could u care for a mind u laid
miles and miles far away
how could u feel the hands that were never felt
i wish i could say, yes

you seem just like yesterday

at times i want to walk outside
stand two feet
planted underneath
and turn around, only to fall
backwards ..into the sky
so I could see..

So I could blissfully,luckily say...yes.

Where can I reach you? It isnt fair..
Why cant it be fair?
What if i want to see you?
What if i want to talk to you?
what if i want to HUG you?
Who will save me from the disgustingly vicious 4chan clan now?
how will I do this..without you.

I feel like no one else gets it.

You got it.
you understood.
You liked my school girl skirts and the excessive makeup I used to wear.
My bottle cap collection,and our conversations of riding on the backs of screeching pterodactyls.

You said it was okay for me to "pose slutty" because I am AMANDA..and AMANDA is NOT slutty,so its OKAY.OKAY for me to "pretend" as long as the truth was pure..


You loved the poem I wrote you,
and everytime I think of the millions of times after that one you asked me to write u another .. I cry.
Because I put it off. I said maybe some other time..
and yet...

wow... there isnt another time.

how could u care for a stranger u laid
on one side of this globe,the other which i play
miles and miles far away
how could u care for a cheek nude of ur kiss

i wish i could say,
i wish i could say...


you feel just like yesterday.

No matter how many times we fell out of touch,
the moment we started speaking once more..
it felt like the first night.
you'd call me your little amanda,and i felt so special.
it felt so natural.

I wish there was a place I could reach you..
a door I can open,and there I will see you.
a window I can look out of,and there you will be.
a wall i can press against,and behind you will stand.

Tell me..
where can I find you?
-journal entry The day after you were gone:

"Where are you? Where can I find you? In the cracks of the sidewalk,?
within the broken gravel clumps and fragments of the street?
In the wind?? The cool air and powerful breeze,
dancing in my hair,nearly knocking me over,off my feet.

Lifting my dress,howling. Whispering to me.
Are you now the rain?
Pelting down upon me.
soaking my clothes,now transparent and pure.
Drenched hair and face,concealing my tears

are you a bird? Didnt you say you believed in reincarnation ?
that perhaps you were a bird in another life,and I was too..
that we knew eachother and thats why when we first started talking,
we instantly connected and felt the similarity...FAMILIARITY?

are you the sunset?
peering through the beautiful white clouds above?

the blazing,strong desert heat..impacting...sweating me.."

how could u care for a mind u laid
miles and miles far away
how could u feel the hands that were never felt
i wish i could say, yes

you feel just like yesterday.

will i ever fully go back to my shallow ways of eating doritos late at night and watching the paris hilton show reruns?
Will i ever be a child toward the depth of this universe?
So naive and careless to what lies millions and millions of miles beyond the crust of the simple earth.

i cant.. now that you are gone,i feel like i'm on a totally different level than the girl next to me,picking out a pair of new heels.
What is going through my mind? I may stare at these shoes..the surface of my being,desiring them so much.. but deep down, Its nothing I Want.

So many many questions.and natural curiosity... a need to analyze and find..
will i ever be able to rest in simplicity again?

Potter,Im sorry i never felt enough to have u adjust
ur tie around my neck.

That girl u loved..
i know u loved her well
u said it proud
u said it yourself

i could never compare
ur beautiful love

but theres things u said,amany
and i know right now,u would tell me

time never stays.,..time moves on

what we had may not of had such a strong chance
what we had may of been to young to say romance
my hair may not be as soft
my eyes not as bright

but ur beauty,
touched my life

and some may think im dramatic
and most may say im overreacting
I admit,its completely unexplainable,irrational,nonlogical
the beautiful
connection we had
may be hard to grasp
impossible to understand

As street spirit remains on replay
I think of all the wonderful things u said and could still say
and in ur arms,u tried to pull me close
as I refused, and pushed u far away
..fuck... if only i knew then what i now know!

you are.

those who know,
well..they know
and i dont have to repeat myself

June 5th seems like just yesterday...
I miss you.

Apr 27, 2008 10:46 PM

o dearest skylar
your hot as fire
your lips are probably softer than
a coarse nail file-er.
O dearest thine skylar.

skylar,you like fashion and thats cool
your soul is in such luck,because i like it too
your voice,on the phone,
is like an enchanted angelic tone
O dearest skylar;holy one.

we fight alot on aim,
once on the phone,i think you almost came.
sometimes I cant stand you
but most of the time,we get along..
... like bugs in glue.
and a religious song

skylar,youre always so very positive just like the sun that shines on the world each morning
when we talk,sometimes i'm bitchy/upset or PMS suffering
but our conversations are never boring

our first conversation was of our similar interest in unicorns, i believe
arent we friends to be?
we both like the same things
i used to be your little twin
but if we were mermaids,youd have a bigger fin;
cos you are bigger than me
skylar,cant you see

o dearest skylar
im trying
to rhyming

but i am sorta failing

O skylar
your ghost stories are awesome but they made me really scared one night
if you would of been there,i would of screamed like a little boy who sounded like alittle girl,and then grabbed your muscular body so tight

o skylar i am sorry for being so nicholas addicted and mind wrapped
all those nights,I pushed you away,you probably wont ever forget that

cos i know you must think i am alittle pretty
and sometimes i feel bad for being a disconnected little girl,i feel shitty

you were the first person i ever confessed of wearing braces to
i hope you always remember this
i remember when i sent that video of a girl sucking off a guy when she was wearing braces to you
and then you were probably thinking "oh no she didnt . shes not sucking my dick"

o dearest skylar
(stand by for comment #2)

Apr 27, 2008 10:50 PM

O dearest skylar

sometimes your optimistic outlook on life,realy pisses me off
but most of the time,and by the end of the day,i want to hug you and prevent your cough

you always have perfect grammar
and you use really big words in your sentences
but i understand them cos i am such a good little poet.. and i know the size of

oh skylar
when you go travel the world for like two years
i am going to miss you once you disapear
i'll give you a teddy to take on your journey
to always remember me and in the boys bathroom i think theres something called a uriny ..

me and you are both weird
but thats what makes us cool
if we went out in public,people wuld get jealous cos thats the "im hot and i know it,so bite me,bitch"rules

O dearest skylar
we always like to compete with eachother
and sometimes when we fight,i say "your mother"
i like the time we compared the worst/nasiest porno sites over aim
and i WOONNEd.
remember the guy with the fish blow job?see.competetion=DONE.

O dearest skylar
im fucked up
i know i am
and you are too,kinda
cos you eat ham

but i still really really like you
you know i do
you have good taste in expensive clothes
buy me an icecream!
and when i say "o rilly" you send me a picture of an owlll..(from photobucket)which is not eerie

I remember your skylartopia story.
Your ex girlfriend Is hot and If i was a guy,i'd want her too
cos shes hot like you

O dearest skylar

the one and only.
Your Amanda Pod.
Your hentai girl.
Your little ballerina.
Your wounded little unicorn.
Your Hermione.


My favorite super powers (if I had the chance to ever have one) will forever be flying.

Thanks for asking.

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