Thursday, October 11, 2012

papercuts.


   Raw. Real. Delicate.
 Fragile and honest.
 Just speak to me, my love...and i'll listen.



     Its 11:44. I just pulled myself out of bed... this is what its like to float... this is what its like to freefall... I put on this old sweater and lift the blinds for some natural light... 

  Today is a sad day.... The sky is grey,and the ground is wet from the rain.... 
 Does something ever hurt you...so bad.. that you cant feel it ?



 Its so intense,that you cant feel the pain..that you cant feel anything at all,really..
thats me at the moment... laying here, lifelessly. soundlessly. 

what hurts to know is, I doesnt matter how amazing I am... because you never see me... and even if you do, someday...god willing..miraculously... by that time, I will have grown old... i will have became weary...


 there wont be much left of me...



 it angers me..
they are all staring.. pushing... pulling..clawing... dragging... needing..wanting...
but you... 
why am i surrounded by hundreds, yet you're no where in this room?


  "this is torturous, electricity between both of us..and this is dangerous, because I want you so much/


   One wants to wine and dine, the other writes me endless sorry letters... but why can you see me? 
 you make me feel invisible. 
to you,its just a papercut...
to me,its amputation. 


 on repeat: "Throw me in the landfill
Don't think about the consequences
Throw me in the dirt pit
Don't think about the choices that you make
Throw me in the water
Don't think about the splash I will create
Leave me at the altar
Knowing all the things you just escaped

Push me out to sea
On the little boat that you made 
Out of the evergreen
That you helped your father cut away
Leave me on the tracks
To wait until the morning train arrives
Don't you dare look back
Walk away, catch up with the sunrise

This is torturous
Electricity between both of us
And this is dangerous
'cause I want you so much
But I hate your guts
I hate you

So leave me in the cold
Wait until the snow covers me up
So I cannot move
So I'm just embedded in the frost
Then leave me in the rain
Wait until my clothes cling to my frame
Wipe away your tear stains
Thought you said you didn't feel pain

Well this is torturous
Electricity between both of us
And this is dangerous
'cause I want you so much
But I hate your guts
I want you so much
But I hate your guts"



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