Friday, November 12, 2010

la de da.

A storm of raging emotions inside. The wind blows, the rain pounds down, the lightning strikes and thunder slams. I'm still standing. Surprised that I even am, at times.

I want to protect. And love. This feeling is shooting through me,not necessarily at random,(because I've always wanted to to love, nothing new.) but sudden. (especially the overwhelming need for protection.)

I sip my coffee casually and read. On the outside,no one could suspect my weather. I listen to the haunting song and my face turns out my window, staring at the house ahead. life beyond this prison.I'm always a dark girl, but not depressed. Not that i am entirely depressed now, But my nails are darker than usual. and my eyes are always lined deep 'nocturnal'.

am I a bad friend? Am i a friend at all? What kind of a friend or person am I?
No friend would let another suffer. be taken, like youve been taken. to be influenced, to be even more heavily exposed. to not stray away.

"If the waves suck you in,and you drown- If you should sink down beneath, i'll swim down."

And I would. To save her. To save anyone,right now.

I am not living for myself.

i want to fight for others in this disease, like i cannot fight for myself.

My pupil holds stories, striking and haunting. Fast paced details, flickering images, most in color,some black and white. Memory and fascination . That deviant little erotic thing -cognition.

Is that why i still always were p.s. I love you? The scent of a widow.
is that why I still see myself ontop of him in the front seat,parked in a cemetery.
is that why i still hear him play his beautiful music?

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