Saturday, February 7, 2009


I'm Now 'banana girl'. A fresh concept I'm cooking up somewhere in the depths of my pretty subconscious. I don't really like bananas,(to be frank,I actually quite despise the taste of them)but, I force myself to eat them.

You cant understand me...

You cant understand,because its humanly impossible to categorize me.
Even the tightest stereotype,falls lose around my neck
And i'm smiling,because no matter how hard you try,it will never stick long.

I cant even label myself,they havent made one that "fitting" yet..

Labels make things easier.
Labels sickly clarify the dysfunctional, atmosphere

helps us understand the reality,the nature..

Science,numbers,rules,and long division..

all such labels, to make things simple.

To give it a name.

to be able to slam it down in a text book,
to be able to close the cover or flip the page.

to have all the entire reason of its existence,all the infinite answers in the desperate grip of your shaking hands,
as you wait in the checkout line at the local library..

how beautiful is that?

to be able to understand?

Oh but,you cant understand me that way. You never well.

i'm alone.

No one will listen,they say they do,they say they want to.. but they lie. and It feels good at the time as I lose blood from their knives in my frail spine

Its just a game,you know?

Its a pity thing. Its a fooling thing.

They do love me,they probably do..but not enough.

And i'm alone..

theres no one to tell

no support,no shoulder to lean on

no chest to cry into

people just look at me like im mad

I am mad,but im sane at the same time.

and.. your brain cant focus on the median of sanity and insanity.

I'm not like those girls who all huddle up in the bathroom,passing down the toothbrush from under neath the stall,

one gag at a time,and the emptiness is gone.

one flush away, One wipe of the lip gloss application. One pull down on the skirt.

Out of the door,and gone away,

I dont need anyone.

I dont really need friends, i tell myself.

I stay alone,in the myself.

I'm not like those kids who wear sullen on their face..

ive been told i'm very diverse and versatile,

sometimes.. I look okay. Sometimes,I'm quite delightful.At least my mouth reads that way.

cant say my eyes,but my lips are good at fooling.

I'm not like that hollow girl,20 lbs,6 foot tall,designer mini gown backstage,alone..
a cigarette in her hand, a dead on,blank stare.. into the absent space of I dont know what.

no thats not me.

i dont need to smoke my pain away.

im all alone.

no cigarette..

I'm just me.

take your labels, you cant drop my name underneath it even if you wanted to.

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