Do you like the feeling of agony?

Written on:Friday, May 23, 2008

Current mood: lethargic I was talking to myself,today.. I was thinking to myself,again.. I insisted on peeking I forced my own will to overhear your conversation yet it feel as if my will was ever so willing,tonight.. I had to watch you two then I felt my eyes burn,watering Like fire the rage within me I remember,Trees.. thoughts of beautiful green i remember the images that flickered before my eyes of skys so blue and the illusion of your arms wrapped around me you felt so warm..but you were such a cold person and your lips on mine.. it had never happend but i wish it did.. sometimes i wish it did like tonight.. i remember the way you used to talk to me i remember the way you once called me baby i remember the way you told me you loved me.. and it hurts.. and i hate this feeling..this ability to recalll.. because its only a memory..and nothing more. i want to shatter you,in my mind crush you like a mirror,into tiny pieces of glass i want to blow you away,with my own breath i compared myself again, to her.. to her looks.. to her visual beauty my friends tell me not to i know its wrong i cant help it i cant stop thinking my mind,is burning my body is on fire i want to put holes in the walls around me i want to drown whatever remains dry i want to break whatever lay built I want to destroy can i be pretty destruction? teach me how to feel like you.. teach me how to work like you put my tiny hands in yours ,so strong and teach me how to kill, like you've killed me. like yovue destroyed all i thought i once i had i want to kill her.. can i? can i strangle whatever soul you claim she obtains? evil,is she who needs to crush anothers life,before making her own. evil,is she,who needs to steal another girls love,just to be able to find love for her own. i cant breathe im suffocating today is the first night in many nights,that i actually felt emotions again and darling,it scared the fuck out of me. i started to cry..and i was afraid i wouldnt stop i felt myself go on flame, i feel like i can fly i feel like i can take someones life i feel like i have so much power when it comes to being powerless. i feel capable of anything anything but letting you go theres this delete button that i cannot push theres this memory of you,i cant let go i still love you why do i love you? why do i love you,tonight?of all nights..when i am alone.. i remember what you promised me .. i remember what you whispered..i remember what you screamed i remember our bond,a bond i thought no one could replace i know you felt it too.. you cant deny that. i know you felt the heat between us. burning like eternal flames..cruelty..passion..we were immoral,together.. the thought of us connecting,is so bad,it felt good.. i thought she wouldnt be able to take that away i thought she'd never be able to take you away You look so sexy,when you hurt me. you sound so sexy,when youre cruel to me.. I hate it,but i love it at the same time..I love being molded by your words I love being under your sadism.. I love being your little doll,to mind fuck,to destroy. and now,I just want to destroy you. i try to love other hearts,but it only feels like i'll have to brainwash or forcemyself into doing so i know you were an illusion..but you were such a beautiful one i could of been your sweetest angel..why did you have to do this to me? why tonight do I have to love you,again..of all nights.when i'm alone.