I live to write and create.
I wrote so much on myspace that I have decided to move all my blogs to this account instead.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
What I Want.(more than ANYTHING):
Written on:Monday, September 22, 2008
a nice lolita romance
so hard to explain
like the cracking morning sunlight, hopeful bits of surviving sunshine creeking in,from behind and in between the window curtain slipping through your sheets crashing through the room shattering upon the wooden floor into different pieces,allover the place warm,orange light.
so this is what you call happiness.
red lipstick smeared accross his rough neck ouch,he needs to shave again.
i'll fall out of bed,and stumble a bit until i make it to my feet once more, whew,i can walk. Im sorry for being so loud on this floor,trying not to wake you.
i let go of the stained sheets,and become bare
blood allover the walls as i walk towards the bathroom,shadows fall self loathing stares in a mirror at how blank i look but then i remember how sweet his voice had sounded and how genuine he seemed,when he complimented my flat chest.
i like what we have. i like what we've made,together.
soft,fragile pretty,bright. vintage,sophisticated. clean,yet allover the place and "dirty". easy,mellow. yet stern and strong unbreakable,unable to comprehend or understand thrilling,sometimes painful elegant,intellectual.strange,and wrong,oddly sexual risky,dangerous,seductive mindblowing,captivating immoral,sinful,unethical,unlogical, perverse.to most, it wouldnt seem "normal' to some,it may even seem sick. He talks to me like I'm made of porcelain,but he mauls me like I'm made of piled rags
cigarettes,high waisted shorts,and black knee highs Messy hair,and suit and ties red heart shaped glasses,my daddies top hat, and desireful stares maybe even in your wifes bed. maybe even playing next to your little girls dolls,or against your boys trainset.
He likes beethoven,mozart and bach too Hes real good at english lit,every day he teaches me new words. he plays me songs on his piano i never had a piano, my mother could never afford one i like to watch him lose himself and I start to become weak when he starts to sing my name aloud ive never been this loved before he does it better than the other boys at school theres no way that i could ever compare the sensation he gives me
i feel so on fire,i always feel like i'm flying theres so much beauty within his black rimmed glasses more so,instead of the immaturity found within my best friends new convertable.the one he always brags about,the one he claims is so "far out".
or the "smooth yawning move" at a movie theater its so last hour ago.
i want something more and thats when i think of him and how excited i get,when he places his strong hands at the tip of my chin, then he brushes it against my cheeks my eyes could roll into the back of my head i could faint.
he tells me stories of when he was a boy and how he used to dirty his knees,and tear his corduroy overalls just like how i stain my dresses,in the front yard soil I see my present self in the little tales of his past self but i wouldnt change him for the world even if im curious to know the purity within him, because its almost like a whole other person,when you really think of it. who you are in childhood,verses who you become as you progress inside this universe. but i dont even feel like building a time machine to visit his childish self. i love him the way he seems now
i sit by the windowsill,my hand placed in my palm all attention on him and the handsome enthusiasm, the overwhelming charm i love how his eyes sparkle such a neon blue.
i love him the way he is
touch me again,mr. tell me you love me chase me through this abandoned,vacant house come closer,move near me adore me,be with me,lets connect into a world we can create fuck the rules.because we'll both be dead,someday.
I love the way you bruise me I love the way you slam me against the walls, i love the way I crash onto the living room floor, I fall directly onto the mat below i love how you lay above we rollover and struggle andi cant stop laughing,to catch my breath
all these marks on my body, cuts from our daily foreplay leaves my thighs aching leaves my insides steaming leaves my body tingling its such a thrill to have to make up excuses to the teachers at school and lie to my girlfriends whenever we have slumber parties and they ask about the gothic colored gash across my knee
I like to teach him things too I remind him of his past I remind him of the innocence that most people lose with time The child deep within us all That sometimes dies with bitterness,and having to pay taxes, Well I bring his alive.
theres no furniture here its so empty here in your countryside cabin look outside,kiss the morning dew check to see if today,they have come for you? Well,i wont let them.i'll protect you. they cant stop me from loving you. they cant stop you from slipping inside of me. until you strain,with every whimper of mine as i'm pinned from underneath you with every moan,cry,and as I squirm,everytime as I struggle,and as you sweat your face breaks pink and mine turns the color of a ghost.
its so hollow here. We need to hang up a few pictures its so white here have you spent all your hours ..painting the inside of this place, pale? How many more coats of that shade could you possibly need? But I love to run my hands over these walls I feel so safe,with you And I love to sit and watch the spider webs in the corners their colors,grim grey and black at first glance,they symbolize darkness and wretchedness almost like a snake would, as it slithers across the garden floor its actions,mock lies and slander deception and sneakiness they are just like serpants,in crisp relation. or the glorious satan.
but well to me,the spiders seem shy,and sweet Some dangle from underneath the window pane I turn my head in curiosity and confusion Like a tiny puppy would,whilst attempting complex comprehension Have they found love too? Like the way ive found you?
show me that thing you taught me last night. tell me honestly,do you think I did it right?
wouldnt it be wonderful to be iin love with someone who knew math better than you do? for when you get stuck in confusion,he could simply tutor you. he could bake you the cookies you always adore,just like your mom used to and when you want that pretty new dress,he can buy it for you. he could be a bit of everything gentle,sadistic whatever you want him to be in between the abusive stepdad and the average prince charming.