Saturday, January 10, 2009

The outcome of an ill little girl and a Fucked up boy

I wish I could leave you. We're both just so sick. So fucking ..sick.

i'm always going to have dreams about you..
and shes always going to splatter them too
her and the infection she laid
and im always going to remember back when i Was 13
and i'm always going to contemplate
on if talking to you in the first place,
was a big mistake
but I had you first, see
if only they knew that

baby youre bad for me
baby I should get away
but If I did,i wouldnt be myself
if we stopped,i'd be someone else
because I'd be better,then..
you understand?
because without,i'd be well again.

were both so fucking sick.sick people dont belong in pairs,as two.
I let go,and you come back for more
you pull away,and I follow you

we could both scream,but it doesnt mean a thing
because sick people enjoy the noise
and sick people dont really take being serious,seriously
I know you would understand me
if you I felt,maybe

w'ere more alike than you could ever understand
yet so different that it makes me want to choke you and bite your neck
until you turn black and blue and scratch your back until you bite my lip and pull my hair

I fucking hate you,
but I know you know
and yet you dont
take it to heart
because you probably hate me too
for being so sweet all the time
and bitchy at the same time

and being in love with you.
its your fault.
its because you were so sick
but I couldnt refuse
the thought of you loving me
and I Was so okay
and I fell for your trap
and you pulled me down with you
you thought you were alone,
but you werent
because I held onto you
even when you told me to let go
even when you called me names
or hung up on me that one time
or let her spew that infection she laid

and im always going to remember
the first thing you said to me
and the first conversation we ever had,
and how paralyzed I Felt
and how I lied to you
and told you I had to go because dinner was ready,
but really,
I went to lay in bed..
and I lay there for about an hour,
flat on my back,
staring up at the cieling..
with my hand on my stomach..
and I felt..this...power..go inside of me..
so deep,within me
this warmth,spilling allover me
I didnt even know you

but I loved you,from the moment I talked to you
I knew

I'd love you,then.

when The fuzz filled my little veins and tingled my fingertips and
wet my tongue
and even went deep between my thighs,
and I didnt know what was happening
because it was the first time I ever felt such a thing

i couldnt even blink
and I started breathing slow..
catatonic,and lethargic
I couldnt move anymore

because you were there,inside of my soul

I was so little in thought,
and I didnt even know
how powerful...

you were.and how fucking messy
you would explode..

and im always going to remember
that one time you almost fell asleep in the cold
and you called me baby
and i dont think you remember that..
maybe you were drunk..
but you called me baby,
just once..
possibly the only time in the time we've known eachother..

it was quickly spoken,but soft
and It lit up my entire heart
and I acted like it didnt really impact me
but saying.."...yeah.."
all sarcastically
even though it made my fucking day
and this is why I Wanted to storm off
the moment I found out you were ok with her spewing the infection she laid
and you made the biggest fool of me
and I Wanted to slit her throat and let her know
that it wasnt ok
because she was the fool
she didnt know the real you
and she didnt know
what you told me

and now that things are better,
i still get angry sometimes
when I think of you
and I guess if shes gone,
its alright with me
i'll give you another shot to be nice to me

i could write down all the times you were sweet
I remember every single beautiful thing youve ever told me
i probably even know them in order,by the dates
and I could make a scrap book and then look at the nice words
the next time we get into a fight

and think..well..this is nice.
i'm pretty fucking sick,because its 5 beautiful to 95% vile times

Were both so fucking sick..
but I like being sick with you
because If I had to be fucked up,
i'd want to be fucked up with you
and because of you
theres no one else i'd want to share this insanity with

no one else understands
the feeling I have for you
and the connection that steams out from your pores
you dont have to say a word,i know what youre thinking
and when youre scared
and when you act mean
just because youre really so nice deep down
and when youre confused
so you keep to yourself and put those walls up
just because youre scared i'll get inside

Rhianna was retarded when she made that one song..
because I dont think she knows what a mental institution feels like
and I dont think she knows what it is to have to go to a "rehab" because of the drug that you love so fucking much..
the abusive drug,
the drug that hurts
but you need it to live
and you need it to breathe
fuck the rules,
and btw,I wrote songs and poems about being a drug addict before she even did..

at least shes like a fucking billionaire
and me,being adrug addict..isnt all that happy
flashes of suicidal thoughts
and having to sleep,alone
shaking uncontrollably,skinny and cold

I Dont even care anymore

I keep thinking about you..
the more I do,the more I think .. "i'm screwed."

maybe we'll end up kiling eachother.
You'll probably kill me first,and then i'll come back to life and fuck you so hard in the mind before laying back down again

I could get out,and leave you to rot..
who am I kidding? I cant get out. I love you.

I love you,and I know you love me too..
for the first time ,I guess
its crazy
we can go months without talking to eachother
and then come right back and its there again

and I didnt even really think of you,this last time we lost connection
i was ok with you being gone
and i didnt give a damn
honeslty, i was thinking about clothing
and school
and modeling
but then when we talked

i got weak in the knees
and thought,

oh fuck.i'm really fucking sick,now I KNOW I am.

I want to be your slave
I want to be your dolly
and sad to say,i'd do anything you told me
as long as you dont go off again
and are ok with another girl spewing infection allover us
like she did..
as long as you keep me near
and as long as you love me,
i'll be your ragdoll,
your toy,
your pet,
your nothing.

I'm stuck here until..something horrific happens.

baby youre bad for me
baby I should get away
but If I did,i wouldnt be myself
if we stopped,i'd be someone else
because I'd be better,then..
you understand?
because without,i'd be well again.

we feed off of eachother
we inject eachother

youre so fucking weird
youre so sick in the goddamn head
but I am too
and dont you ever forget

sick people dont belong in pairs,as two.
but maybe its ok..if its us two.

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