I woke up today,
and everything just hit me hard in the face.
Ive been awake for less than ten minutes,and its already out of control.
"im getting older" I thought,as I was laying in bed..
and I dont want to have blonde hair anymore..
I tilted my head as I stared within the mirror..
I put down my toothbrush.
So i'll buy a wig,and
i'll commit suicide before my next birthday.
No, I cant..
I'm not sure of what to do.
I'm just scared to death of growing up.
I want to stay young forever.
I'd hate to be one of those self proclaimed "lolita"s
or are actually 22.
Lolitas arent 22 years old..
I dont want to be..
I want to stay here,for eternity.
I dont know what to do.
My little sisters hair is so pretty,
I think maybe I'll darken mine a tiny bit so it can be pretty like hers..
Why am I being so compulsive over my clothing?
I need more plaid skirts,I dont have enough.
I only have 5,and they arent 5 enough.
maybe i can work for the money.
but who in this hell would even pay me?
I have to,before I get on the plane.
i need another plaid skirt before i leave.
I cant even wear it to new york because it would be too cold there
but i still need that... extra plaid skirt.
Just so I know I have it.
and maybe even another white button up blouse..
Just so I can feel safe.